8 year age difference: its okay though because i look older than 13. my body aged faster than my brain did but thats okay because i look older than 13.
i sit with an awkward stillness as his hands roam around my mature body because-- well because this is what happens in the movies, right? he takes me to dinner and i let him touch me because thats what the older girls do, and im an older girl now, right?
8 year age difference: i spend the night and he leaves for 4 hours to have a drink with the guys and tell them about his new sweet little girl. little girl.
my palms grow sweaty when we walk together in public; im not allowed to hold his hand outside or call him Daddy. i didnt like calling him daddy. but i wanted to be a grown up girl.
he says he likes that im so young because that means my body is tight and fragile; i didnt know what he meant by that. i didnt want to know. however i did like how he called me his Princess and kissed me and gave me pretty things because i dont get this attention at home; in fact i didnt get any attention at home.
maybe that was me getting back at my mom, but im still not sure.
8 year age difference: "dont tell your friends, okay? they wouldnt understand what we have." what i have is high anxiety, a fevered soul, shaky hands and a knot in my throat but its all okay because i look older than 13 and you think my ignorance is sexy.
why didnt his friends do anything? they let him take advantage of a 13 year old child-- in fact they congratulated him on it.
i wasnt aware that i was being taken advantage of, similar to the way a deer isnt aware that a hunter is stalking them behind the tall trees.
he shot me down and took my decaying body but thats okay because i look older than 13. he can feel guiltless as he holds me because i look older than 13, he can feel proud when he talks about me like im a trophy he won in the Creep Olympics because i look older than 13, he can still feel alive as he dehumanises a 13 year old child, i wanted to be older, i wanted to look older, i wanted to be those pretty women with a handsome husband and a big house when all i got was a pedophile with a dirty apartment and gross fingernails that pressed against my skin in the dark.
where did this bruise come from? id ask myself then all my hairs would stand on end; where did this bruise come from?
8 year age difference: "i love you baby, i love you," he would hiss behind the same teeth that penetrate the skin on my neck.
but its all okay because i look older than 13.
ВИ ЧИТАЄТЕ
Spring Mountain Treatment Centre
Поезіяdull faces glance out the windows; sitting with their sadness drooping their eyelids they perpetually stare out and away in search for better days.
