mom

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i want the ocean to crash back onto the sand and swipe me away as it oozes back into the depths.

why do you suffocate me so?

im sinking to the bottom of the ocean; this goddamn seaweed wraps around me and keeps me low. i can't breathe or see but it's always like this when im around you-- why do you suffocate me so?

i breathe in salt water and choke: you never liked it when i talked too much anyways.

why do you suffocate me so?

never goddamn good enough, i never was good enough was i?

you always thought so little of me, you never saw me for what i was but for what i wasn't; not pretty, not skinny, not smart, not nothing.

your words-- so toxic on their own-- they seep into my skin; am i crying? am i crying? i can't tell anymore-- am I crying? am i crying?

why do you suffocate me so?

my legs stitch themselves together and my lungs learn how to breathe in your poisonous fumes.

i lay upon rocks and sing with a voice horse from your salty waters.

you can't suffocate me anymore.

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