Severus Snape and Harry Potter

Chapter 8

Hermione had managed to get a large flyer posted in the Entrance Hall requesting donations to help restore the library of either books or money. She had set up wooden boxes with House symbols on them so students could either put money in them, or books in the basket below them. She had also managed to copy some more flyers and handed them out to the prefects at each table, requesting that they post them in their common rooms. No one seemed to object and indeed many students seemed eager to help out. Hermione was delighted with the response she was getting.

Harry couldn't wait for the weekend, when Professor Snape would take him to Gringotts to withdraw some money so he too could make generous contribution to the library fund. He would make it an anonymous donation, only he and Severus would know about it. He was already famous for living instead of dying, he didn't want to be known as The Boy Who Was Rich too. Even if it was true.

What he wasn't looking forward to was tonight's detention with Malfoy. He was afraid Malfoy would try and get him in trouble again. He also had heard stories about how unpleasant Snape was during his detentions towards students. Harry did not enjoy it at all when Severus was upset with him, it made him feel ashamed, that he had let Severus down by misbehaving. He doubted if Malfoy felt the same. When he had glanced over at the Slytherin table, he had seen Malfoy laughing and talking with his friends, acting as if nothing was wrong. In contrast, Harry was filled with trepidation and could barely swallow his lunch.

Up at the staff table, Snape picked at his lunch as well, nervousness making him lose his appetite. He almost regretted his rash decision to be Potter's legal guardian. Almost, because he feared he might do as poor a job as Potter's relatives had done. Not that he would ever neglect the boy, but Severus knew there was more to raising a child than simply supplying material comforts and necessities. Could he be what Harry needed? Did he want to be a father figure to an eleven-year-old boy, even if he was his beloved Lily's child? Most of all, would Harry want him to play the role James Potter would have filled? Snape was certain that Dumbledore and Minerva had told the boy only good things about the former Quidditch player. None of them would have wanted to tarnish Potter's image by mentioning how cruel and nasty he had been towards Severus at school. Everyone always seemed to make excuses for Potter during school, shrugging off the things he did to Severus and to others as mere pranks, but there had been a dark side to James that few had ever seen save his victims. Lily had seen it, though. Had seen it and had somehow managed to . . .overlook it, forgive it? Severus would never understand how she could have fallen for the arsehole Potter had been back then. He shook his head. There was no sense in speculating over what was past. What mattered was now.

Despite his being Head of Slytherin and dealing with children on a daily basis, Severus was afraid he would not be an adequate guardian. He had not had a decent father growing up, Tobias had been an abusive drunk who had battered his wife and son into fearful obedience, until Severus rebelled at seventeen and left, though not before he nearly beat the bastard to death. Severus hated the fact that he had inherited Tobias's hair trigger temper. It was something he worked hard to control daily, especially around smartarse arrogant students who delighted in mouthing off to every teacher in the school. But at the end of the day he could retreat to his quarters and meditate, or brew, or drink a cup of tea to calm himself down. He wouldn't have that option with Harry, who was his ward, and would therefore be able to stay in his quarters if he chose. What if Harry caused him to lose control? What if he raised a hand to the boy? Hurt Harry the way Tobias had hurt him? Lily had told him to love the boy as she would have. But what if he was incapable of such a thing? His experiences as a spy had made him bitter and hard, how could he love again after so long? Yet, he did care about the boy. He felt compassion and anger at what the child had endured. He was concerned when Harry was hurt and determined that he not be bullied by the likes of Malfoy. But was that love? And what if he did grow to love the boy, but Harry rejected him?