1981
All she wanted to do right now was cry. Or scream. Or both. But the thing was if she was to start making any noise right now, she would only feel more like it than before.
She had hoped that being at home was going to be less stressful than being on tour. But that was going to happen any time soon, obviously. Stevie had been pregnant during the time Fleetwood Mac had been recording Tusk. And then, when Sara had been six months only, the band had left for the tour to promote the record.
Had Stevie thought that being on tour with a year old was difficult, she reconsidered now. Ever since coming home, she hadn't slept more than a couple of hours a night. Sara wasn't sleeping through the night anymore, unlike when they had been in the road still, and it slowly began to wear Stevie out.
Lastly, her bandmates were slowly stepping on her nerves as well. They had still been on the last leg of the tour, when they had begun making plans for a new record. She had told them to fuck off, she couldn't do this now. She needed time, for her daughter, and if she was honest with herself, she needed a break, badly. If it hadn't been for Robin, she wouldn't have made it through the tour. Or the last couple of weeks. Robin wasn't just her best friend right now, and Sara's godmother, but also the only person Stevie had allowed to look for Sara when she had to work. Bless her parents, since they couldn't put their life on hold at home, they couldn't help her out throughout the tour.
"Stevie?"
"Please tell me she's sleeping."
By now she was exhausted, and the one thing she hadn't been able to handle tonight was Sara crying and screaming for hours, again.
"She is." Robin nodded, sitting down next to her best friend. "But I worry about you. I've never seen you like this. Not even when you had like three jobs and worked on your record with Lindsey."
"I don't think there's any point in telling you that I'm fine, is there?"
"There isn't. And..."
"You can tell me that I look like hell." Stevie told her. "I looked into the mirror today. I just don't know what to do anymore. Everything was okay while we were on the road, and now..." She once more broke into tears. "I don't know what to do anymore. It breaks my heart to see Sara this way, but then again, I don't know how much longer I can still deal with these tantrums. I love her to death, but in moments like this, I wish I never had her."
"I don't think you really mean that." Robin was surprised at her words.
From the moment Stevie had told her she was pregnant, and intended to keep the baby, there had been a change in her friend. Honestly, she had been afraid of what might become of Stevie before she had been pregnant. All the hard partying, the alcohol and drugs, she had been afraid of losing her best friend to the lifestyle.
"Of course I don't." Stevie shook her head. "I don't know what I'd do without her anymore."
"Being back in the studio with Fleetwood Mac."
"Oh god, please spare me. I think if I have to see any of them anytime soon, I'll have to strangle them."
"Just Lindsey."
"Especially Lindsey."
Sharing a look, they couldn't help but laugh. Even if they hadn't felt like that during the tour at all.
"I know that he's still hurt that we broke up." Stevie sighed. "But that's no reason to make my life a living hell. It's not my fault he acted like a possessive jerk. And it's not my fault that he can't deal with the fact that I have a child now. I didn't wish for all the shit stuff to happen between us."
"Speaking about shit stuff... did you hear anything from..."
"Don?" Stevie finished the question. "Last time I heard from him was when I told him that I just had Sara. And you know how he wasn't interested in that."
"So nothing changed." Robin shook her head, not understanding how he could be so indifferent about his own daughter.
"I doubt it ever will. And if... I don't think Sara would want anything to do with him. My mom always says we're so alike, and I know that I wouldn't want anything to do with him, so..."
"And I thought you and Lindsey were complicated..." She couldn't help but laugh a little.
"I did too, that was until Don and I happened." Stevie sighed. "You know, I would have loved to go back into the studio, I have enough songs for sure, but knowing that I'll have be to away so much again, I don't want Sara to think you're her mom, someday."
"I don't think that could happen, you two are inseperable."
Stevie just smiled in return, hoping that her best friend was right. And that she was able to keep the band off her back for long enough.
Whoopsie, flashback. You'll have to wait a little longer to find out if she's going on tour with Don or not ;) Have a nice weekend, and please let me know what you think. Love, Dani
