Snowfall [ h.s ]

five

f i v e 

 In my dream I was in a car, strapped to the backseat. My surroundings were strikingly unfamiliar, yet a part of me fought to remember details that had faded from my memory long ago. The scene seemed to go in and out of focus, making it hard to make much of it out. But from the little I could tell,  I wasn't alone. But unfortunately, the two figures in the front seats were nothing but faceless blurs to me, and no matter how hard I tried to squint, that's how they remained. To my left cars drove by at an alarming speed, leaving a whirlwind of snowflakes in their wake, and it took me a good ten seconds to realize I was on the highway. Why was I on a highway? 

          "You know how she is Henry, after all, she takes after your side of the family." 

My head snapped in the direction of the voice, the sound sending a wave of painful shivers down my back. Two years and ten months had passed, yet the her voice remained just like I remembered it; like warm honey on a cold day. Suddenly everything blurred over - but this time it was due to the amount of water now pooling in my eyes, threatening to spill over my cheeks. In the drivers side, the male tried to hold back a smile but failed. She was, undeniably, his weakness. 

And just like that, the rest of the conversations was lost to me. It was like watching a movie and having someone mute it and hide the remote. You could see everything, but your fifth sense might as well been non-existent. I knew how this would end, but I couldn't find it in me to pull away. I was stuck watching their every move, my eyes glued to the back of their heads. 

Her strawberry blond hair escaped the hat on her head in loose ringlets, just barely grazing her shoulders. I couldn't see her face, but I didn't have to. I knew her eyes were a very clear, very light brown that swirled with every emotion she felt. I knew there was a smile on her face, because there was always a smile on her face, no matter what. I also knew that the man beside her was too young to have white hairs, but his two daughters were probably the cause behind the silvery hairs that made an appearance when he was under the right light. Unlike his wife, his eyes were the iciest, deepest blue you could possibly imagine, but the held nothing but kindness. 

I knew because they were my parents. 

Unable to hold it in any longer, I strained against the seat belt holding me back. "Mum? Dad?" 

My voice was frantic, even to my own ears, but to them I might as well have stayed quiet. Because just like every other time, they didn't even react to my voice. There was no sign that my words had any kind of effect. The continued their conversation, ignoring me. It's like I wasn't even there. 

          "Carter," 

This voice didn't belong to anyone in the car, and as alarming as that should have been, I couldn't concentrate. My entire focus was on getting them to see me, even though deep down I knew they would never see me. They wouldn't notice their seventeen - almost eighteen - year old daughter in the backseat. Because no matter how real this all felt, I wasn't really there. Not then and not now. 

          "Mum - mum please," I cried, thrashing around against the plush seat, ignoring the pain when the seat belt rubbed harshly against the skin of my neck. They didn't even flinch. "Dad, daddy it's me!" 

         "Carter," 

Outside my window the road became less visible, the distinction between cars nearly impossible. The snow fell fast and hard, creating a white fog around everything. My hands slapped against the windows, my nails scratching at the ice cold glass panel in panic, but it was no use. It was going to happen. And I was going to have to watch.