My brother is confusing (Ziam)

4. Maybe I do

Chapter 4. Zayn

I sighed as I walked into class. I don't know what I did with Liam the other day.. I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe I was too drunk still. Like hung over.. But then he just ran away. I guess that's a good thing. Or else I would of said something I regret. Josh sat down next to me and didn't even look at me. I don't know half about what happened at the party. All I remember is Liam punched me and some other things.. But I don't wanna think about it. I know Liam doesn't like me, I don't like him simple. Liam's off the topic.. Then there's Louis.. My boyfriend. Forever and ever. Well I believe.. Louis and I have a weird relationship. He hits on some random guys even though were dating. I don't know why but it doesn't effect me anymore. I don't get jealous. I just don't care. But most of the time he's just making out with me or having sex. Well trying to have sex.. I don't want to do it.. Till I find the one.. "Mr Malik" my teacher looked at me. "Yes sir?" "What's the answer?" "To what?" The class began to giggle. Liam was in my class so he turned around and showed me his notebook. 'Who's the most known ruler in Egypt?' And below the question it read 'King Tut.' "King Tut?" My teacher looked at me with surprised eyes. "Correct" he mumbled and kept reading. I smiled at Liam. "So the nerd's helping you?" "Yeah, so" I looked at Josh. "He seems to like you" Josh looked at Liam. Once Josh looked at Liam, he moved closer to the curly lad he was sitting by. "I don't care" I sighed and took my notebook out. "Your gonna write notes?" "No, i'm gonna draw silly" I laughed and rolled my eyes at Josh. "Why are you so happy?" "Your saying I can't be happy?" "No" Josh laughed and watched as I drew a black heart with a knife through it. I colored the heart in with my pencil and grabbed my red pen. I drew blood, well red marks, on the knife as if it killed someone. It looked really cool. Josh took my notebook and looked at the last picture I drew. "Who's that?" I looked at the picture, it was a dark long hallway with Louis all around it, then there was me in a ball in the middle. "It's nothing" I sighed and shut the book. "Is that him" Josh looked at Liam. "No, it was Louis and I was the scared thing in the middle alright?" "What did Louis do to you? I will slap him Zaynie! Your like my little brother.. No one can hurt you" Josh looked at me. I loved it when Josh called me Zaynie. I call him Joshie and he calls me Zaynie. It's pretty girly but whatever. "Nothing I just feel trapped I guess" I shrugged and shoved my notebook back in my bag. Then the bell rang. The teacher didn't give us any homework so we all just walked out. "See yeah at lunch" Josh smiled and went to his other class. Liam was at his locker. "Wanna skip with me" I smiled at Liam. "Zayn I can't." "It's just one day! We'll be back by lunch I promise! Or i'll buy you lunch! Please!" "Ask one of your buddies" Liam sighed and closed his locker. "No" I pouted at Liam. "Well I gotta go.." "Just one day! Please!" "Fine" Liam laughed. I grabbed his hand and ran to the exit. "You brought your car to school right" Liam laughed as we ran to my car. I nodded and got the keys out of my pocket. Me and Louis do this all the time but Louis wasn't at school today.. Well I think he isn't. "So where we going?" "I was thinking the park" I shrugged and drove. The park was only 2 minutes away from here so it wasn't that far. "Cool" Liam laughed and texted someone. Why do I feel like I wanna touch him.. My heart need to shut off before I do something wrong. I drove with one hand and my other was on the little thing between me and Liam. Liam put his phone away and put his hand on mine. I didn't move.. I didn't know what to do.. Liam entwined our fingers.. I still did nothing. It was nice feeling his skin on mine. His hand was burning. I looked at him, he was staring at our hands together. I pulled into the park and still didn't let go of Liam's hand. "Let's go" I smiled and started to get out of the car. But something held me back. Liam blushed and let go of my hand. I got out and waited for Liam. I don't know what I just did with Liam. But it felt. Odd. Just odd.

-*-

I knocked on Louis's door. He stayed home from school but still told me to come over. He didn't tell me why he wasn't there but i'm thinking, well hoping, he'll tell me now.. Someone swung open the door and it was Louis. His hair was a mess, he had black sweats on and a white tee. "Zayn" Louis laughed and pecked my lips. "Hey" I rolled my eyes and walked into his house. "Hi Zayn" Louis's mum smiled at me. "Hello!" "ZAYN" I heard Daisy and Phoebe yell. Louis laughed and picked up Phoebe. "Hey darling" I smiled at Daisy. "Girls leave Zayn and Louis alone" Jay laughed. They both said awe and pouted at Louis. Louis grabbed my hand as we walked up to his room. I'm here a lot so Louis's sisters get used to me I guess. But Lottle hates me. I don't know why. She just does. We walked into Louis's room and Lottle was looking through Louis's stuff. "What are you doing in here?" "Looking for a hat. Is that alright" Lottie smiled at Louis then saw me. "Why is he here?" "Cause he's my boyfriend and he can be here" Louis growled. Lottle rolled her eyes and walked out of the room. "So why weren't you in school today" I asked as I jumped onto Louis's bed. "Missed the bus so my mum said I can stay home" Louis shrugged and sat next to me on the bed. "Lucky.. But I skipped anyways" I laughed and laid down and stared at the celling. "So what you and Josh do this time?" "It wasn't Josh.." Louis laid next to me with his head on my chest. "Who was it then?" "Liam. We went to the park. It was nice." "Seems legit" Louis laughed. I kissed Louis. He of course kissed back. I don't know why I kissed him.. Just it happened I guess. But I love him so whatever. He wrapped his legs around my waist as we kept kissing. He licked my bottom lip for an entrance. I gave it to him. When he was done kissing me he smiled at me. He tried to take my shirt off but I wouldn't let him. "Zayn please." I finally gave in and let him slip my shirt off. He planted kissing down my chest. I shivered. His warm hands felt amazing on my body. He was so gentle with every touch. He looked like he was about to take my pants off and that's where I called it quits. "We can't do this now.." "Why not" Louis looked at me. "Cause your... family is here" I make up a excuse. "We can do it in my car!" "No Louis.." I put my shirt back on. "If you walk out that door were over..." Is that really what he just said? He just wants fucking sex. "Fine" I growled and walked out. "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR DOING!" "MAYBE I DO" I yelled back to Louis before I storming out of his house.

 -*-
I ran into my house. I need Liam. I want Liam.. No one was home but Liam I believe. He was in our room. I looked at him. "Hey Zayn what's-" I cut him off by smashing him onto a wall. "Zayn!" I kissed him. I kissed my brother. I kissed him.. He didn't kiss back. I backed away. "Tell me you love me. Tell my you love me. Tell me you love me. Tell me you love me. Tell me you love me. TELL ME YOU LOVE ME LIAM" I kept repeating. I don't know what i'm doing.. But maybe it's for the best?.. I wanted to freaking cry if he didn't tell me what I wanted to hear.. I'm just a screwed up mess..