During The X Factor (One Direction)

Chapter 10 - After The Argument

I’m not sure how long I’m here for, staring at the same patch of worn out carpet, but it feels like a lifetime.

I’m completely zoned out. My mind is blank, so I’m not thinking about anything. Any memories I previously had have been locked away in an invisible chest somewhere at the back of my head.

I bet I look like a rag doll. Especially with my shoes, one covered in childish doodles. My head is tilted to the right slightly, and I can feel my neck stiffening. My arms are dangling by my sides, and my legs are positioned in an uncomfortable ‘M’ shape.

It doesn’t register, though, that I should move and avoid any discomfort. My brain isn’t noticing any signals I’m sending down my nerves; it’s like my entire body has just decided to shut down.

I don’t even notice when someone drops down at my side, gently brushing my hair from in front of my eyes.

“Chaz, are you okay?!” whoever is asking sounds extremely worried, and I’m so grateful to them. They stopped to check I was OK, and for some reason, I feel like I need a bit of kindness to cheer me up right now.

Still, I don’t budge.

The person shakes me roughly, and I snap out of my trance.

Slowly, I draw my eyes away from the carpet and I see someone kneeling next to me, both of his hands on my shoulders.

I look up at his terrified brown eyes and see them full of panic. His face is pale, and his hair uneven, like he has just raked a hand through it in frustration.

I recognise his face, “Liam?” I say to him, just to check.

He smiles a little when he hears my voice speak his name, “Are you okay?” he’s saying to me, his voice quavering.

“No.” I answer immediately. I’m waiting for my memory to come rushing back to me, but it doesn’t. Maybe I have to work backwards…

I think I hear Liam swear under his breath, “What happened? Do you know?”

“I…I fell down.” I may sound stupid, but that’s all I can remember. Anything before that, it’s a complete blank.

“Right…” he says, still panicking and not knowing what to do first. He looks up and down the corridor several times, snapping his head around and mumbling to himself. 

“We need to get the others, are they up in the waiting room?” he stands and picks me up from the floor. He starts to help me to walk down the corridor, towards the far end, but a thought hits me like a ton of bricks.

It isn’t really a thought, more of a warning signal. I stagger backwards, trying to run off in the other direction and through the wooden doors. Liam catches me before I fall over. I don’t seem to be able to speak, only make noises like a baby. I scrunch up my face and back away into the door, a clear sign that I don’t want to go that way.

“What’s wrong? Why don’t you want to go down there?” Liam ponders, looking down it sceptically, like he should expect an army of ninjas to jump out from nowhere and kidnap him.

He finds nothing, and turns back to me, “Alright, we can go in here instead,” he says, indicating to a small empty room on the right. I go in and sit on the nearest seat, and Liam sits right next to me.

“Tell me what happened.” he says, hoping for an answer, but I’m unable to provide any information. I just shake my head.

“C’mon, it’s me. You can talk to me, right?” he grabs one of my hands and strokes it softly, and I am hit by a huge wave of calmness and confidence, so I speak.

“He was trying to make an argument.” I manage to croak. Some of my memory starts to come back to me, and I remember the argument. I scrunch up my face again in concentration, but I still can’t think.

“Who? What was the argument about?” Liam asks. He’s staring into my eyes, as if he’s reading my muddled up thoughts and still can’t understand them. I’m not looking at him; my eyes are darting around the room, hoping that something will trigger a memory.

I give up, and gaze up at Liam, only to find my memory come flooding back to me at the sight of him.

“You. The argument. It was about you…” I murmur, completely confused by my own accusations. Liam looks hurt, but not as hurt as I feel when I remember the rest.

“It was Harry.” I tell him defiantly. “He started shouting at me because I’d been ignoring him, but I hadn’t, Liam, I promise,” I plead with him, and I’m not looking at him again, “Then I accused him of the same thing…and then he said…he said…” I was struggling with my words. Talking at top speed with fat tears rolling down your face isn’t very easy. “He told me I’d be…nothing, if…if it weren’t for him.”

I couldn’t help it. On the last word, I exploded, blubbering like a baby.

And in front of Liam Payne?!

He reacts by pulling me close to him, letting my damp face soak his shoulder. I can hear him soothingly whispering into my hair, trying to get me to calm down. I feel like a baby, being rocked back and forth and having ‘shhhh’ softly repeated in my ear.

For a few minutes, all you can hear is my broken sobbing, but Liam pulls us apart and breaks the silence,

“What was this bit about me?”

I think he’s trying to change the subject, but it doesn’t really work.

I just bawl some more and fall back into Liam’s arms.

When we split apart again, I think Liam has realised that asking me any more questions will lead us nowhere.

“Listen,” he instructs, “Don’t believe what Harry says,” I wince at the name, but let him carry on, “He’s an idiot, and obviously doesn’t know how brilliant a person you are.” Liam smiles at me, but I shrug back,

“You barely know me, so how could you possibly think that? I’ve known Harry for about five years, so he knows the real me...” Once I’ve said it, I begin to question the words.

How much does Harry know about me? I know quite a lot about him, mainly because he never stopped talking, but I bet he doesn’t even know my favourite colour.

The real me, how do I know that the ‘real me’ isn’t that girl with the freckles and long tangled hair? The one who preferred to be hidden, not the girl who likes to be known and recognised, standing at the side of one of the most popular boys at school. I’m not sure who the real Chazza Hill is any more.

“Okay, so I’ve only just met you, but you don’t know how glad I am I did.” He smiles cheekily at me, and I can’t help but smile at him. When I do, he looks a little shy, so launches back into speech.

“You’re just…amazing. In every way possible.” He says, and I feel myself blush. “And if Harry’s too stupid to see that, then he isn’t worth your tears.” With the edge of his finger Liam wipes away a single tear that had been slowly making its way down my rosy cheeks.

What he does next, I would have never expected.

He places his hands at the bottom of my back and pulls me closer too him, and then softly kisses my lips. Only a quick peck, but I’m stunned nonetheless. However, my first reaction is to wrap my arms around his neck, and let him kiss me again. And again.

My mind slowly empties of all thought, becoming a blank canvas. It’s like I’ve forgotten everything. All of my memories of the last few years have disappeared, any thoughts and ideas wiped from my head.

And you know what? I don’t even care.