During The X Factor (One Direction)

Chapter 16 - Torn

I did it. I told Elvie. All about Harry and what had happened. Everything.

I don’t know what convinced me to do it. I think I just needed someone to talk to, and Elvie was just so unlucky to have been sitting right next to me at the time.

We were shopping when I told her –well, having a break in the café in town.

She was a bit shocked by it at first, but that might have been because I was talking at top speed. The words flew from my mouth and I just couldn’t stop them. I’m sure at one point I said something about Monopoly.

Yes, I mentioned Liam. Of course I mentioned Liam. The argument was based around him, after all…and I very quickly glided over the subject of us kissing in the spare room…

“So…he was mad…why, exactly?” Elvie had asked, talking about the argument in the corridor –my least favourite subject. 

“I’m not sure,” I sighed, “Personally, I think he was just looking for excuses to get rid of me.”

“But you told me what he said at the house. That didn’t sound like he wanted to get rid of you!”

“I don’t know.” I told her honestly, “I’ve known Harry for five years, I think I’d know him a bit better,” I said it purely because it’s in all of the movies. Always, in these movies, at the end everything works out; hopefully it’ll work in our case.

After that, the atmosphere in the café had deteriorated. Elvie saw that I was upset from a mile away (even though she was sat next to me), and immediately decided that we were going to do some super shopping so I could find my perfect outfit for Sunday.

Surprisingly, we managed it. I’m satisfied with my new clothes and am now sat in one of those old London taxis, on my way to the studio for the X Factor final.

I wasn’t here last night. I should have been, but I had started panicking. Mum left me alone in the house after I had told her I was just feeling unwell so she could go around to Harry’s and explain why I wasn’t going.

Elvie knew I was lying, however. She was asking why I wasn’t in London, and straight after I had told her she marched all the way over to my house to force me to at least go on Sunday.

She never really succeeded, and she’s still trying to convince me that I have nothing to worry about.

It’ll be fine, she texts me, you’re only going to support him, anyway.

I type back, But…what if he starts talking to me afterwards? And he wants to sort things out between us?

She takes forever to answer this time, and you know how frustrated I get whenever I’m waiting for a text.  Even after the wait, all she says is,

You’ll know what to do, Chaz. Have fun xx

She’s so philosophical.

I shove my phone into my bag just as we pull into the car park and I see Gemma waiting for me, a huge smile across her face.

-

The last time I was sat in the audience it wasn’t nearly as tense as it is now.

Before, everyone was absolutely buzzing. Everyone was smiling and cheering (yes, before the show had even started) and

No, however, it’s so different. It’s not exactly quieter than last time, but everyone is speaking in hushed tones. They seem wary of everyone around them –like they’re afraid some big buff security guard will take them away from uttering the tiniest of opinions.

Even the crazy zoo animals (also known as Harry’s family) from last time I was here have morphed into calm human beings. They still have huge banners and refuse to stop smiling, but they aren’t making me deaf with their loud chanting. It’s weird being sat amongst them, when I’m lounging in my seat waiting for it to start.

Still, I’m so happy I’m here. The atmosphere is amazing, and Harry’s family are so lovely to me (they all think I’m ill, though, so I suppose it could be that). But I am overjoyed that I had Elvie to convince me to come today.

Especially seeing as Take That is here!

I’m sure when they walked onto stage I screamed louder than I ever have in my entire life. I was stood next to Harry’s mum, and we both nearly collapsed!

Anyway, then it was time for the actual performances.

We sat through Matt Cardle’s spectacular performance of Firework by Katy Perry, but soon after he had finished, One Direction were introduced.

We’re waiting f-o-r-e-v-e-r for them to appear on stage, and our little crew start screaming as soon as the lights ignite the stage with an orange glow. I almost collapse again when I realise what song they’re singing:

Torn.

It’s their song. The first song they ever sang together. The first song I ever heard them sing together – the reason most girls across the world are in love with them after only about ten weeks of knowing their existence.

The girls around me are screaming, practically crying with joy (how cliché), just because they’re singing Torn again.

But I knew Harry before that, before any of this X Factor thing. Watching him sing Torn all those weeks ago with his band mates was what convinced me that these boys would go far.

It was also what made me fall for Liam.

As he sings now I imagine I’m back in Harry’s living room, my heart pounding out of my chest. However, right now I don’t feel the same way I did back then. I’m not astounded by Liam’s beautiful singing as much as I was before, I’m not speechless over his beauty (but yes, he is still freakin’ gorgeous), and I’m not about to fall off my chair.

I guess my mind is still too full with thoughts of Harry.

After I left the X Factor house I had thought that I could forget him and everything would be normal again, but no. I told my mum that I would go to the Finals and she told Harry’s mum, so I suppose she told Harry. He kept trying to contact me, but in the end I just turned my mobile off.

Looking at the stage now, my eyes land straight on Harry. He’s started singing, and the crazy zoo animals have returned, screaming and shouting next to me.

I force myself to ignore them.

The majority of my thoughts of Harry revolved around our future. What would happen? In about ten years time you may pass and old friend on the street without even acknowledging that you saw them, and you may think that odd, but when your old best friend is famous, you know he’ll have forgotten you within days.

I don’t want that to happen. Neither does Harry. And Harry promised me, months ago in his living room, that it wouldn’t happen. I can feel it happening already.

…But whose fault is that? Who’s the one pushing the other away? He’s not the one refusing to talk, that’s…

I jump when a drop of water lands on my hand, and that is when I realise I’m crying. How childish of me! Why am I crying?

Because there’s no way I’ll be able to get Harry out of my life? Suppose so.

Mumbling an excuse to Gemma beside me, I run across the row of seats, down the stairs and out of the first set of doors I can find.

Why am I even here? For support, Elvie had said. He probably couldn’t even see I was there. He probably didn’t notice I left.

Perhaps coming here wasn’t the best idea.