As I Am

Chapter Twenty

A/N: I've been debating whether or not to post this chapter or rewrite it, but I've decided to post it. There's a lot of talking and the content to me is really important for personal reasons, which is why I feel that it's making me nervous to post this. I hope I don't bore you all too much.

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Twenty

          Lana Del Ray’s Summertime Sadness blares through the tape deck on my balcony as I assess the picture wall. As I stare at it like an artist looking over a painting, I try to figure out how to rearrange the entire wall to not include the center photo. A cool wind blows through my screen door and throws hair into my face. I let a breath out, blowing it away before taking a step back.

            There is just no way to arrange the wall. It’s exactly perfect the way it is if the hole in the middle did not exist.

            After telling my parents about the incident, I made them promise not to do anything about it until tomorrow, the day before my next therapist appointment. Mom had gotten it bumped up a few days without telling me until our discussion.

            We’re going to call the head officer on the case and explain to them what happened. Then, they will tell us how to move out from there. I hope it involves never seeing crazy yard guy Craig Lee ever again.

            With another one of Evan’s sweaters draped over my wall, hanging for him to retrieve later, I decide on what to wear. I exchange my bathing suit for a bra and underwear but as I stare at my closet full of clothes I’ve collected over the years, I have no idea what to wear. I usually don’t have this problem but Evan didn’t exactly give me any clues to where we are going.

            Do I have to wear a dress? Do I go casual? Is it semi-casual? I have no idea.

            After hours of debating, I opt for a baggy t-shirt that covers my arms and a pair of dark, navy jeans that somehow are the brightest dark I’ve even though they still are dark. Since the ocean is blowing in more wind than usual I wear handmade beige flats instead of flip flops and stand in front of my mirror. I can be casual and dressy. I’m the perfect example of an anywhere outfit.

            For no reason at all, I snap a picture of myself in front of the mirror. My head is mostly blocked from the camera, but somehow, it works.

            There’s a knock on the front door just as I set down my camera.

            “Bama!” Mom calls.

            I race down the steps, taking them two at a time so that my mother and father do not get there before me. Knowing them if they do, we might never be able to leave, especially since that they, like me, have no idea where Evan’s taking me.

            When I fling open the door I come face to face with a grinning Evan. Before I greet him, I look him over. He’s in a t-shirt and jeans. I look down at myself and even though I decided I could pass as casual just moments ago, I instantly want to change.