Chapter 20

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Chapter 20

~Destani Smith~

When I knocked on my door, I didn't feel an ounce of nervousness. I wasn't in the wrong; they were. You don't just out your own child in front of a hundred people. It was cruel. I wasn't wrong for leaving that church.

My father answered the door but he hit me with the disappointed look. That was strange. He sighed and waved me inside. He was acting out of the norm ever since he found out.

When I walked inside, he threw his arm over my shoulder into a warm hug. It caught me by surprise but I hugged my father back and I cried like a child.

"I love you sweetheart but I don't know how to deal with this," he said, sadly."Your mother and I come from a different generation." I was still cold and wet from the rain but he hugged me anyways. That meant a lot to me.

"And I understand that but mom won't even hear me out," I cried."You guys just don't understand." Even if my parents never agreed with my sexuality, I would like them to be my parents and love me unconditionally.

"What are you telling her, David?"

My mother's voice sent chills down my spine. I wasn't nervous until I heard her.

"Yolanda, just leave her alone can't you see you put the poor kid through enough?" Dad said reasonably.

"Absolutely not. She called me a bitch and ran out of the church, embarrassing me in front of everybody," she shouted."She acted as if I'm the child and she's the parent."

"Embarrassed? You called me out in front of the whole church it's everybody's business now. You listen to everybody else but it was okay to humiliate me!?"

"Do not raise your voice at me. You do not pay any bills in this house! Don't scream at me like I'm your child!"

I was frustrated.

Somewhere in my heart I knew me and my mother will never see eye to eye. From an outside perspective either of us could be right because this is a matter of opinion. I cannot go through life with my mother never knowing the real me even though it still hurts to know that she is disgusted with the fact.

"Mother, I'm tired of pretending to be somebody I've slept with  guys I didn't even like just to make me feel like I'm normal and I'm tired of having to remember that and you know how much that hurts but I did it because I wanted to get rid of the feelings. They never went away." I didn't realize how much tears I was producing."I'm tired of hiding now because Maya is the best thing that has ever happened to me. She's an amazing person and I wish you had never yelled at her the other day. It is my life and I want to live it the way I want to. You shouldn't care as long as I'm not hurting anybody or myself. I'm not going to stop seeing her just because you tell me to."

My voice was shaky throughout my whole monologue and I even wondered if she understood any of it.

My father hugged me again tightly and I cried into his chest. I didn't think I had gotten through to my mother until I felt another pair of arms around me.

*

I was helping my little brother with his math homework later that day because he was struggling with multiplication and adding and subtracting fractions. I realize how shaky my math was with fractions.

"I forgot how to subtract fractions," I frowned.

"How can you forget? You're in high school?" he said.

"Exactly I haven't done any of this in a while," I explained."And it isn't my fault that you waited until Sunday to finish your weekend homework. I could have helped you before."

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