Pose

Chapter Thirty Seven: Always Here, Never Solid

It's a terrible love and I'm walking with spiders. It's a terrible love and I'm walking in. It's quiet company. - Birdy, Terrible Love

(Corrine's point of view)

    "Mom, let it be."

    "No."

    "Mom, it's okay."

    "No."

    "Mom—"

    "Look at it, goddamn it, look at it! Look at the shelves!"

    The shelves were the least of my concerns, but I lifted my arms off of my eyes and looked at the shelves anyway. "They look normal."

    She made a horrified noise. "Have I taught you nothing? It's all wrong! It's all wrong, and—goddamn it, I wish your father taught me how to use that gun he bought, I'd have shot that cheating bastard where the sun doesn't shine. "

    Ah. So the anger at the shelves was just redirecting her emotions from assault to this.

    I winced. "Mom, don't say that, I'm no better."

    She turned and glared at me with such animosity, I nearly rolled myself into a ball. "Don't say that! It's different!"

    "How is it different?"

    "I don't know, it's different!"

    "I'm your daughter, that's what's different, mom."

    "No—"

    The click of a turning lock stopped her and then the door swung open. Kelly walked in, slamming the thing behind her.

    "Glad to see you're getting comfortable already, Kelly." I mused, sitting up on the couch and wrapping the blanket around me.

    She ignored me and said, "Change of plans! Fuck the chainsaw; give me all the small knives you own. When are you signing those papers?"

    "What papers?" 

    She stared at me blankly. "The divorce papers, idiot."

    I blinked. "I'm not leaving him—ouch!" I rubbed the spot on the back of my head that she had roughly smacked.

    "Corrine White. What do you mean you're not leaving him?" My mother used my maiden name deliberately.

    "I mean, I'm not leaving him for the same thing I did! It's a bitch move—"

    Kelly smacked me once more. "Bitch move? Have you learned nothing from me? Be a bitch, you little shit!" For good measure, she hit me again.

    "What if, Kelly? What if I stay with him and it works? Surely we've hit rock bottom. We can only go up from now, right?"

    "Wrong!" Kelly yelled, dropping onto the couch next to me. "Please tell me this is all bullshit and you've already found a lawyer."

    I slowly shook my head. I had to try. I had to. I didn't understand why I had to, but I did nonetheless.

    She groaned and stuffed her head into her hands. "Corrine, I will support you, but know this; you are throwing yourself off of a cliff and into a pit of broken glass and salt."

    I hugged the blanket around me tighter. "Maybe I am." I said quietly.

...

    I decided to give myself six months. Six months to forgive myself and Jason. Six months to learn to love him again. Six months to pull our shit together. If I couldn't, then it would be time to find myself a lawyer.