OH GOOD CASTIEL IN HEAVEN! I just finished reading Twist and Shout..... Not only do I feel inadequate in my writing style. But I’m still crying. And I was listening to Hey There Castiel (Answer Me) and just.... all the feels, in one morning. And I had my makeup done and was ready to go to work. HA! Not anymore.... Ramble done, lets get back to the story.
Castiel sat on the edge of his bed, looking down at the floor. His head pounded and his stomach churned. They don’t know anything. They are making a mistake, there has to be something wrong here. Cas thought of everything and could come up with no answers. Why would they want him. What about him made him wantable?
“I know it may be a lot to wrap your head around honey, but it’s the truth,” Lily said.
“Y-you don’t know anything about me... you’ll hate me...” Cas whispered, looking down with dead eyes. Lily walked over to him and put her hand on his shoulder, trying to reassure him. But the contact just made him flinch. She and Jack were told in the beginning that he would respond to touch in a bad way. To treat him like you would an abused animal. A scare puppy, lost in the middle of a cruel world that tried to wipe out all of his innocence. Cas looked at Lily with a sorowful look and then up at Jack, expecting him to be mad at his reaction. But what reaction was it, if any? He just sat down and shook his head. “You’ll hate me. I-it’s better to just... be able to cut your losses with me,”
“I looked over your file,” Jack said. Lily looked up at him with wide eyes. They’d promised that they wouldn’t ask for all the details and let Castiel tell them on his own terms.
“Jack!”
“I know everything that happened. Let me tell you it took a few shots of the harder stuff to be able to read it all. I get it. I know you probably don’t think I do. But I do,” Jack said. He looked at Lily and she hesitantly stood up and flashed Cas a sad smile before leaving the room. Now, Cas had no reason to be afraid of Jack as a person. He had shown him nothing but kindness. But in that moment, being left alone with him. The threat of being touched or hurt made Cas stiffen a little and scoot back on the bed, getting more distance between them. Jack shook his head and stepped closer to Cas. “Do you want to talk about it. I know you don’t say much the the therapist,”
“I don’t like doctors...”
Jack nodded, “that’s understandable. Talk to me.” Cas shook his head and clenched his fists in his lap. Why can’t this all just be over. “Fine, if you’re not going to talk,” oh no. Oh no, oh no! He’s going t do somethings. I’ve made him mad, Cas thought quickly. “I will. I get what you went through. Lily knows what my childhood was like. The system was very reluctant to let us foster or even adopt. I guess kids that were abused are at higher risk to abuse their own kids. But oh well, I’m not like that. My mom died when I was 3...” And Jack spoke. Telling Castiel of his life. An abusive drunk of a dad who got worse when Jack was 5. Of how his dad would send him to his uncles house, with full knowledge that his uncle was a pedophile. Of being afraid for years of being touched or being close to people. And as the story went on, Castiel realised something. Well, not realised. He knew that there were other people in the world who had been hurt. But in that moment, hearing the story of this mans life, Castiel realised that he wasn’t as alone as he had once thought. “Now talk to me, please.” Jack said. Cas looked up at him and opened his mouth.
“I was supposed to be put up for adoption...”
Ben Winchester walked into his dads room and looked at him nervously.
“D-dad...” Dean looked up at him.
“Yes?” Ben fidgeted and then composed himself.
“Some of my friends are driving over to Portland for a party tonight, and I was wondering... I’m going to be going with them, so like... I’d be gone for like.. three days.” Dean looked up at Ben and sighed.
“I don’t think that’s a very good idea Ben. I know your friends, they’ll get you in trouble.”
“Yeah well. It’s my decision who I hang out with.” Ben said.
“You are my son and live under my roof. So I do get a say.”
“I’m not going to do anything stupid like you did dad, I’m not you.”
“I know you’re not me. I’m proud that you aren't me or anywhere like who I was when I was your age.”
“So why can’t I go? I’m not going to do anything illegal.”
“How do you know that? You don’t know if something isn't going to just happen,”
“Like dating Castiel!” Ben snapped, then sorrowfully regretted it. Dean looked up at his son.
“What are you talking about?” He said, his heart starting to pound. Fuck, he had never wanted for Ben to know about it until Castiel was legal.
“You two aren’t very secretive. I can tell dad, I’m not three anymore. You can’t just say that he’s a friend that needed a place to stay for the night when you want to get laid. I figured it out.” Dean tried to compose himself.
“OK... OK, you know. What’s it going to be? Blackmail so that you can go to a fucking party?”
“No! I just... I’m not a stupid kid anymore. I know what’s going on. I can tell. And yes, it’s pretty freaking disgusting. Not cuz he’s a dude or anything, but because he’s my friend. Why him? I know that it’s been a while, but come on!” Dean pressed the heel of his hand to his eye.
“Because I like him. It’s as simple as that. I don’t have to explain a damn thing to you because we aren’t friends. we’re family. I’m telling you this because I want to. You are my son, my only son. I don't want you to resent me or anything like that. I like Cas, he’s a good person, he’s not bad looking, and I just like him. It’s probably not going to last though. He is still a kid and pretty damn new at this shit. But I think I deserve to be happy for a little while, don't I?” Dean said. Ben looked at his dad for a long time before nodding.
“I just... wanted some answers to all of this.” Ben admitted. Dean stepped over to Ben and hugged him.
“I love you Ben, I just don’t want you to know about some things. You don’t have to know about my love life. That’s not how a normal family works.”
“You had me at 16, you are gay and dating my best friend. None of that sounds the least bit normal.” Ben mumbled into his dad's shoulder as he hugged him back. Dean chuckled a bit.
“I guess you’re right.”
