Mad As A Hatter (Completed 2015) [WATTY AWARD WINNER *Featured Story*]

Chapter thirty-five: CHICKEN NUGGETS

"Promise not to kill the cashier?" Grim asked.

"Promise," I said.

"Promise," Isaac said.

He gave both of us another hard stare, and then opened the glass door to McDonalds. "Ladies first," I said and shoved Isaac in front of us, and he went flying through the door. It was an almost late afternoon in a small town, so there was that odd family on a road trip who took up a whole booth. A couple elders were playing the daily crossword and the odd lonely soul was deeply thinking about their pathetic life by the window.

I spread my energy through the fast food restaurant, sneaking into their minds and making us invisible. Except for the children. I liked scaring children. I slid into the closest round table, that way I could see the six year old girl who was about to stick a fry in her mouth until she saw me and accidentally missed, putting it up her nose and stared. Her younger brother beside her had his jaw dropped, eyes glued to the three bloody, human looking monsters.

That was us by the way.

"Who's going to get to the food?" I asked.

"I will," Grim quickly said before Isaac or I volunteered. Before we could argue he headed to the front and ordered what we wanted.

He didn't need to ask, this was all we've been talking about on the way here. We heard him explain to the cashier how we were preparing for a very, very early Halloween party, thus the reason of our bloodbath attire.

Of course the cashier was taking forever with the food (this is what happens when you don't put a torn leg on the counter), so we waited at the table with our drinks.

I kicked my feet up on the table and slurped at my root beer. Isaac and Grim kept staring at me, then each other and returned back to me. I rolled my eyes and set my drink down. "You know you don't need my permission to plan your wedding. Gay marriage is legal in all fifty states now."

Grim kicked me under the table and I laughed.

"We were just thinking," Isaac began.

"Isn't that the first," I said. "Ow! Stop kicking me!"

"We were just thinking," Isaac started again. He put a thumb between him and Grim. "Who are you going to pick between us?"

I stopped slurping. My eyes looked up. I blinked a good three times and suddenly laughed harder than last time. "Are you guys serious?" Their deadpan faces caused me to cough, and clear my throat, and make an, "Uh, well..." I scratched my head. "Personally, I think we shouldn't kick it human school. I mean, they're so into the whole one lover per person thing. I kinda thought I could just have both of you."

Grim didn't even give it a chance to sink in. "You're such a greedy bitch."

"She is," Isaac agreed.

I raised my hands up in innocence. "Hey, three is a pretty good number. There are three legs for a stool, three wheels for a tricycle, three letters in sex, only three thrusts before Isaac comes." Grim spat out in laughter and the four eyed dork had his face all pink. I grinned. Ah, that would never get old.

The food arrived and we all sat with steaming meals under our noses.

As Isaac and I were about to place our dark red hands (the blood had dried and was now sprinkling like pepper over our fries), Grim cut in, "We have to be out of here in less than half an hour. We want to be there when they attack New York."

"Fine, fine," I said with an assuring wave of the hand. "Now can we eat? I've been waiting for this day since forever."

He sighed. "Go ahead."

Isaac and I dove had our arms half way towards the paper bag before Isaac interrupted, "Wait!" He sceptically looked to Grim. "These aren't soggy right?"

"No," Grim flatly said.

"Not covered in blood?"

"No."

"They're actually McNuggets and not human hearts, right?"

"Yes! Not eat before I shove them down your throat myself!"

We dug into the bucket of McNuggets and sunk our teeth into the crispy golden layer, biting off the delicious, warm meat and chewing it in pure happiness.

Isaac had his head back, moaning in pleasure. "McNuggets never tasted sooo good."

"Careful Isaac. Three more bites and you'll need a new pair of boxers," I said.

Grim, with a chicken nugget in his mouth, choked on the golden treat and start hacking, pounding the table with a howl. I grinned again as Isaac's face was practically baking in embarrassment.

I popped another golden treat past my lips and said, "There's nothing like having chicken nuggets after winning a brutally exhausting war that will lead to the end of the human race and possibly world destruction."

"You got it," Grim said with a smile.

"Yeap," Isaac said, smiling too.

Suddenly there was a gunshot, and everyone flinched and ducked under tables but the three of us. In came about ten men, dressed in amateur robbery gear (aka homemade ski masks) and crappy guns.

"Everyone freeze!" one man said, pointing the weapon at the customers. Except we didn't stop moving.

"Pass me the ketchup," I asked with a fry in mouth. Grim tossed it over and I squirted it over the pile.

"I said freeze!" the robber said.

I sighed, stared up at the ceiling and silently wished the Gods wouldn't make more stupid people, and put the ketchup bottle down. "Look, you're all gonna die in a few hours but if you really want to have an early death sentence, we can totally give it to you." I turned around and gave them a bored look. "But seriously, you could've at least barged in when we were finished eating."

Grim removed the scythe from his back and plucked a napkin from the dispenser and start sharpening it.

I detached my two swords by my waist and stood up with him.

Isaac opened his palms and talons broke past his nailbeds. Except he didn't stand with us. He remained sitting on the chair, staring at the robbers in confusion. "Wait, wait. This doesn't make sense." He casually tossed a chicken nugget in his mouth, and chewed aloud. "What kind of fucking idiots rob McDonalds?"

The End