On the leash

3.

- morning- nurse came in -Hows your night?
-I guessed I slept all night finally. Is it after medications?
-yes. However they're not for too long. I heard you have questiong next Monday.
- yeah.
- so soon?
-the doc said Im fully aware of the situation.Until then Ill be in therapy.
Actually I get it today. HOW'S she?
- She?
- the therapist.
- oh,not a woman. You are assigned to Miles, whos a therepist for these with anger management.
- oh. I didnt know.
-does it change anything?
- not really I guess. When?
-Just after breakfast so get ready.
- and where is it?
- here. Until you have a companion.
- I see. Thanks.
He washed , changed his clothes and  ate breakfast. When someone knocked at the door he wondered in a noment how will that be.
The redhead looked inside and asked
- Can I?
-sure.
The guy about forty came and greeted him. He reminded Horatio, Speed realized.
- Im Miles. We will be seeing each other until the hearing.
- ok. Its only two days.
- four days. I work the weekends. Especially with people like you, waiting for prosecution.
- Have you got any conspect for me? Speed smiled.- we've just met.
- I read your files: medical,  professional...talked to people around you, colleagues , friends. Also your superior. Funny thing he told me.
- yeah? What thing?
- that you may be either more open or  stuck while conversation because of my red hair.
Speed laughed. Horatio knew him so well.- why is that so?
- I guess that's because H is very important to me. He can fully focus on people. He also knows me like nobody else does. Also the bad side of me.
- yeah. But for your own good it would be better to open up for me, the positive flow makes it much easier.
- ok. Speed  sat comfortably. - how will it go?
- I will be asking questìons and then explain your answers.
- so...why Im needed here? You will ask, answer and explain.
- funny :) Shall we start?
- shoot.
- you know Why you're here?
- doctor told me.
- do you remember anything from that situation?
- Yeah. I remember some things. Remember being called by dispatch , me and Cal. Calleigh Duquesne. 
Then we came to the condo where we found two crying girls who claimed to be sexually assaulted by three guys. Calleigh went to talk to them and I wanted to talk to the guys. Just the talk - we were there to see the situation and take possible items if necessary. The policeman was accompanying us.
Calleigh went to the room with the girls and I was sitting with the men. Two of them were pretty scared. The  third one was cocky from the beginning.
- cocky means?
- loud, blunt and noisy,started to  laugh at my questions which were strictly due to procedure. He wanted to take these two into this stupid -lets say- dialogue but they ignored him. BERNSTEIN took these two out and the guy was alone in the room.  Then I asked why did he touch and kiss  the girls and went further if they didnt want it and told him that. And then he started to insult them. SAYING THAT WOMEN ARE stupid, should stay at home and babysit. I told him that this opinion is irrelevant and asked him to stop. I began to feel angry. I should have left then. When Calleigh came back he insulted her in surely the worst thing he could say, especially to her.
- yeah. We have the recording.
- right. When I saw her face looking at this piece of shit I got furious. I wanted to erase this stupid smile from his face and remember hitting him.
- How many times?
- dont remember.
- what do you remember after that?
- nothing, just the blood on my hands and t-shirt and Calleigh's desperate look.
- and?
- waking up here. I was desorientated and lost
-  and what about the morning before?
- I was working.
- did you sleep well that night?
- I didnt sleep.
- at all?
- yeah
- How did you manage to work a day, night and another day?
- I took a pill.
- how many?
- one.
- and before that?
- one the morning earlier.
-How long did that last?
- I dont remember. The box is almost empty.
- 50 tablets. One or two each day it surely makes a month.
- maybe
- why?
- ìI lost myself in work. Worked a lot.
- did you and your superior look at the working hours?
- H....Lt Caine did. I went home to get some sleep rarely, shower, take new clothes....
- why did you work so much
- Ive always been a workaholic, This is the only thing I do well.
- How come you got the pills?
- I got it prescribed after an accident. I took few of them and got back to work.
- but you didnt throw them ?
- I forgot.
- How did you feel after taking them during the accident thing?
-not sleepy.
- angry? Easy to get anxious?
- not at all. I just felt relief from the pain. Thats all.
- so why now?
- I began to feel tired. Exhausted. Didnt think clear enough but didn't want to make mistake, at work.
- you' re a scientist. Working in a crime lab. CHemistry and biology have almost no secrets for you.
-no.
- you know the impact to the body. Impact of the drug.
- yeah.
- so why didnt you stop?
- I dont know. I wanted to be effective.
- was it the first time? You hit somebody? Kick somebody? Broke sb's nose?
- yeah. I didnt feel that anger. Never before.
- so what actually happened that day?
- I really love Calleigh. She - and no other woman- doesnt deserve to be insulted like that.
- you're in love? With your colleague?
- no. Ilove her as..- as a sister. I wanted to protect her. He insulted her. And these girls. Threated them like objects. I was patient at the beginning. You must have seen that on the cctv.
- yes. But then she came in and you popped at the guy. Want to see it?
Speed didn't say anything and the tape was on. He saw a violent man hitting this man time after time with such a strenght that even Bernstein could do nothing. And Bernstein was  taller and much heavier than him.
- well?
- what do you want me to say, that im sorry? IM SORRY. I wish I didnt do that. Im ashamed and if you hadnt played this tape I wouldnt believe you.
- do you remember it now?
- the moment I hit him. Anger inside me and then waking up here.
Speed put his head in his hands. He started to shake his head left and right, uncontrolled. 
-ok. Its enough for today -the therapist watched him.
Then he nodded to somebody and the nurse came She asked him to put up the sweatshirt sleeve. She made a quick injection and called the paramedic. Speed was asleep in a moment.