renade : salamander

chapter 8

Apparently, I was the villain in Will's love stories and he didn't like me back. My pride wouldn't allow me to stay in a situation where I was the home wrecker, especially when I wasn't forcing anyone either. I decided to give up and ghost him and his drama. I was successful in doing this until he finally asked me to be is girlfriend officially. Thinking he had finally made up his mind, I decided to date him. It was all roses and sunshine at first, the one time I go through his phone, I found him trash talking me with his other broads. Hmn.

I confronted him and he claimed that he was only joking. How funny. Being stupid, I forgave him and I mean, who wouldn't forgive that sweet soul. I liked him enough to forgive him. I didn't want to give up like I did with Neil. Wanting to be better, I chose to give him a chance and we continue dating. One thing you should know is that whenever you get something worth keeping, you get into very tempting situations like I did. My heart felt like it was time to play payback, with another sportsman. Marvin. He was a known fuckboy but who cared. He was fire and I wanted to play with fire. It had a thrill I liked so much and I couldn't resist. The only catch to this situation was that I didn't want to break up with Will. It was selfish but I couldn't help it. momentarily happy. Will on the other hand was to flirt with and I couldn't too innocent bring myself to flirt with Will. I continued to hang out with Marvin and he was just as into our situationship as I was. He knew I had a boyfriend and it made him more excited, though he constantly

Marvin was a natural flirt and I was also a natural flirt. My greatest flaw. Maintaining the façade wasn't hard. Marvin also knew how to play along. So it just made it easier. During the day I'd play happy girlfriend and in the evening, I'd be flirting my way with Marvin. To be blunt, this was whorish behavior and im not proud of it. in a way, it was cheating but he did it too. It was only fair that I did it too. Marvin's aura got me excited and asked me to break up with Will. I didn't love Will at that time and I considered doing it but Will was a sweet guy, I couldn't break his heart.

So, Marvin and I continued to vibe until Will found out. How?

My schedule was quite simple and easy to follow because Marvin and Will's timetables were parallel and would never clash until they clashed. That day, Will was free the whole day and he wanted to spend it with his girlfriend, who was me. On the other hand Marvin wanted to spend time with me and I wanted to spend time with him too, but will was in the middle. I had to make a plan. It was simple, tell Will I'm tired and leave him. It was easy right? He wasn't as understanding as I thought he would be. He insisted that I spend time with him instead like a good girlfriend should. But I was bad. I refused and just walked away from him. It didn't cross my mind that he'd follow, but he did. He was hurt by the fact that I left him to talk to someone else. One thing I learnt about Will was that he was a very insecure guy. He didn't like me talking to anyone else besides him. That didn't sit well with me. I didn't want to feel trapped with someone. I wanted someone who'd trust me enough around other people. Will wasn't that person and I could already foresee the downfall of our relationship. Lack of trust and it was true. Will was a spender. He'd buy me gifts and everything a girl would like. Yes I loved those gifts very much, and I appreciated them. But it would go down the drain when everytime we argued, he'd remind me of the gifts he bought me. In a way, it felt like he was holding those gifts against me. Like I was obliged to do whatever he wanted me to do simply because he got me gifts. Things shouldn't be like that in relationships. I tried to point it out, but he never listened and claimed that it wasn't his intention. He simply ignored how I felt.

Our relationship went on for eight months, and I honestly tried my best but maybe my best wasn't the best. We cut it off, well, he cut it of with me because of my character. Nice.

But, thirty minutes later he called me just to tell me that he wanted me back and I felt disrespected at most. It felt like an insult to me and I simply turned him down. You cant drop someone and expect to find them where you left them. I was just tired anyways. It was time to move.

I was the problem was his reasoning but I don't think so. Maybe I was or maybe I wasn't. At some point, I saw a future with him but I later on realized how far fetched that was. It was childs play.