Snowed in

Part 6

Phoebe

A book falls open in my hand, but my eyes won't let themselves focus on the words. The script jumps around on the page, as I stare straight ahead, my heart beating far too fast.

There is a boy, of which I feel myself becoming obsessed with, who is currently asleep on my shoulder. And I have absolutely no fucking idea what to do.

I feel paralysed. I don't want to move, and even if I did, I wasn't sure I knew how to anymore. My brain, in this moment, has turned to absolute mush. All I know is that Jude Williams is resting his big, heavy head against my shoulder, in a small corner of the library. A small shift of my head, and I see the tiny, soft smile spread across his lips. Ugh, of course he's pretty, even when he's asleep. Nothing about this man is fair. Everything about him is perfect, from his personality, to the way he talks, to the way his lips turn up into a smile.

His copy of The Things We Leave Unfinished that I handed him is sitting awkwardly on the harsh library carpet, hanging open on a weird, uncomfortable looking angle. 

What an absolute disgrace to the book world.

Silently, I reach across up, picking the book up from where it's been forgotten. I fold the cover back over, letting it lay flat beside my book. There's no point even trying to read now, not when I'm hyper-aware of who is sitting next to me. Well, on top of me.

A deep breath escapes my lips, released from far into my lungs. The crackling of the nearby fire, paired with Jude's body warmth flushes my cheeks as I sit alone, yet entirely un-alone. 

I'm scared about this... thing happening between us. I'm scared of the fireworks I feel, simply when Jude looks over at me.

I've had so many crushes over the years. Too many to count. And yet, I've still never actually had a boyfriend. Every time I begin to like someone, even just a little, I get delusional. Like an insane amount of delusional. As in, I convince myself they're in love with me, and then wonder why they never talk to me. Most of the time, I find myself having crushes on unattainable people, the popular guys at school who are most definitely not in my social circle, and therefore, I have no chance ever talking to them.

But this time, I have hope that things might be different. For one, I've actually spoken to Jude before. That never happened with anyone before, apart from the occasional, accidental bumping into someone in the school hallways.

But even so, that doesn't mean I'm not scared. If anything, I'm more fearful than ever before. This feels too real, like I'm actually living in this life, and not watching on, like I normally do in my books. Because I think Jude could like me. I mean, he smiles at me like that, that tug at his lips that sends my heart into overdrive. And out on the slopes, he seemed happy to see me. And here he is now, accidentally asleep on my shoulder, but nonetheless, sitting here with me in a library, staying out after his shift even though he'd probably rather be home, asleep in his own bed.

I let my shoulder relax, my mouth fall into a effortless smile. Thinking this way is so much easier. Convincing myself that someone likes me isn't hard, when I think about it from a perspective of a book. The way that people fall in love in books seems so easy, and not at all terrifying. I let my eyes fall closed, but only to rest them. There is no way that I'm sleeping through this beautiful, perfect moment-

...

Someone's poking my arm. Jabbing it, waking me up. Irritation sparks in my mind. Who would dare wake me up from this beautiful dream-

I straighten up, my eyes going wide as Jude looms over me, staring straight into my eyes.

"Good morning, sleepy head." He mocks, reaching up to tousle my hair. I can't help but laugh, my eyes burning with being woken up so suddenly.