blue // han jisung ✔️

chapter three

without you

it had only been a couple of days since you last saw jisung, but you were starting to feel very on edge. for days you'd hovered over his contact, wondering if you should call him. but you ultimately decided against it, as he had made no effort to contact you.

you couldn't understand why he was upset with you, hell, you didn't even entirely understand what he lectured you about the other day. you didn't think you had an unhealthy attachment to him, or anything of the sort. he was simply your best friend, and you worried for him, and wanted him to be okay. but now, you were regretting everything you'd ever done around him.

you couldn't help but wonder how long he had been thinking that. how long had he felt overwhelmed by your love and care for him? it didn't take long for you to come to the conclusion that he likely hated you, and only tolerated you for so long because he felt bad for you. you couldn't help it, you were always a sort of pessimist.

but then again, he had mentioned that it wasn't healthy for you to always wonder how he feels about certain things. so here you were, yet again, your finger hovering over his contact. your first thought being:

if he wanted to talk he would call me himself.

"fuck it." you shrug, pressing the contact, trying to ignore the overwhelming fear that filled your body as the call started to ring.

it rang once.

it rang twice.

it rang three times.

"hello?"

you pause.

he picked up.

"h-hey, jisung..." you stutter slightly, not really expecting him to answer.

"hey. what's up?" his tone was casual, and you couldn't help but feel slightly offended by that. as if the two of you not talking for days hadn't effected him in the slightest.

but it did.

more than he'd like to admit.

he'd never really realized how much you actually talked him down, or made him realize his self worth until you weren't there to do it. these last few days had been absolute hell for him. he'd never felt so worthless and belittled. he'd never realized how much you actually protected him from.

but jisung was prideful, and he didn't want to let on that he felt awful about what he did to you. he was worried you wouldn't forgive him, so he did the best thing he could think of.

try to pretend it never happened.

because that's always a good idea, right?

"i um... how are you?" you ask, trying to ignore the annoyance you felt with his casual tone.

"i'm good. just walking to meet the guys now." he replies, shoving his hands in his pockets, trying to gauge your tone, but you were giving him nothing. he couldn't tell how you were feeling.

"that's... cool." you reply blankly.

"you wanna come?" he offers, hoping that he could further distract you. surprisingly, the offer made you feel worse, and you couldn't stop yourself before the bitter words escaped your lips.

"i don't know. are you gonna make me go home if i show any signs of friendship towards you?" rude, you know, but you couldn't help it.

jisung nearly stopped walking in his tracks, shock filling his body. he'd never heard you talk to him like that, but he knew it was well deserved. he was an asshole, but was he ready to admit it? no.

"oh please, it wasn't that serious. i was just having a rough day." he chuckles, hoping to lighten the mood. unfortunately, this made you angrier.

"oh? telling me i have attachment issues wasn't that serious?" you chuckle bitterly.

"listen- i just, i don't know why i said that—"

"save it. if the next words that come out of your mouth aren't an apology, i don't want to hear it." you speak sternly. jisung bit his lip, frustrated with both you and himself. he hated how seriously you took what he said, but at the same time, he couldn't blame you.

"come on..." he pleads.

"yeah." you scoff. "bye jisung."

"wait—" but you didn't stay to hear what he had to say, quickly ending the call. and before you knew it, tears were sliding down your cheeks, your vision quickly blurring as you leaned back into the couch, trying to take deep breaths before it got too bad, but you were never good at maintaining your own attacks.

and before you knew it, your ears rang out, and it suddenly became much harder to breathe.

fuck. this sucks.

the both of you thought.