A Lolita's Diary: The Pre-Lolita Life

Chapter 8: The Unavoidable Exes!

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When you'd been a social outcast for a few days or so, it can be a major damper on your mood! If one more second passed by, one more time, then I'll really lose it!  

On the list of my other problems, I had a few pimples all over my face! Turns out eating junk food while you'd been depressed about your breakup can really mess up your skin. Then again, I don't feel like blaming myself. Those past couple of days has been filled with crying my little heart out, baking sweets to fill the whole in my heart and dealing with cramps. 

Maybe my period is also why I'd been really down lately, so I had to a little self-care in the bathroom and tend to my body's needs, as one would do. 

As I did that, my phone kept vibrating like crazy with new pop ups of happy Andrew and McKayla pictures of them doing really "cute" stuff together, like sharing smoothies, trading jackets and taking pictures at different places. In all of them, Andrew had this one quote he kept saying, "MY GF SO CUTE!" 

My right eye twitched as I swiftly blocked Andrew's Instagram. If he wants to be Sooo happy with Mckayla, he doesn't have to flaunt in front of my face like a jerk. 

Those pictures just made me feel worse about everything. All of the good times I'd spent with Mckayla, Tracey, Chase and Andrew! All of that, just down in the drain, never to be seen, again. 

I bit my tongue, trying to prevent any tears from coming out again, I couldn't keep crying, no matter how much it hurts to see him happier without me. As I left the bathroom, the only question I had to ask him was this, "Did he ever love me?"

Answer: No way, he probably just saw me as a placeholder. And that was one of the biggest bummers to figure out. 

~

I couldn't do it. I couldn't stay insane for one more minute I needed to step outside and get some fresh air for myself, I can't stand the idea of everyone else having fun in the sun while I was depressed in bed. So, with my trusty sketchbook and pencil, I headed straight to the park! 

It was good to be outside! I mean, I was outside yesterday and all, but now, I'm by myself, so it's anyone's guess. Usually, I prefer to have a plan before I go outside, but I did know that if I got any better at being a social loser who hangs inside all day, I'll go insane! 

 Like normal, it was kind of calm, adults holding hands, little kids playing tag and owners playing with their dogs, the usual thing.  But now, it was time for me to get to work, I clicked at the bottom of my machinal pencil and began to doodle. 

When it comes to random people in the park, fashion inspiration was never a dull moment, and seeing that I could make whatever I wanted, some of the stuff I drew was okay, like a old woman rocking a leopard dress with flowers on it or a grandpa wearing black leather pant switch chains, a huge rhinestone belt and cute long earrings! 

That would be way more run-away ready then just "black suit, grey suit!" Oh, and if we really want to change it up, have it be a light grey suit. Talk about Boring! 

As I sketch, the outfits looked okay, but I still like something was missing something, but I guess I wouldn't know until I kept moving forward.

It was like time moved by as pencil touched paper again, the birds chirped as I kept sketching out all of my fashion ideas, just doodling away and hoping to find something I could be really proud of.