Clover hearted

Dandelion

A chapter covering negative topics that aims to be more constructive rather than simply a sad poem.
TW: suicide, addiction, unspecified negative memories

Red ribbon
I remembered something I hadn't before, the story telling itself in new ways with new ugly memories.
Today I am ready to sit with the pain of what he has done to me but I cannot deny the existence of what happened.
I open my closet and admire the wooden box tucked on my top shelf.
It is a lightly colored box, the entrance of the box is a faded green painting of something that i
was but no longer is.
I look at the mirror inside of the box and say "I will be back for you."
I write at length about what happened like a raving madman, I refuse to listen to the urge to suppress myself, I write about every sensation, the black ink covers every inch of the notebook paper.
I fold the paper until it is a small square and use a bundle of dark red ribbon to wrap the story for a later date.

There is a self
Today I thought I wanted to kill myself.
I wrote goodbye letters to my family.
I swore to myself that today is the day that I will die.
Despite that, I won't kill myself today.
I am of the belief that within me there is a self that wants to live, a self that knows better.
There is a self that will miss the cups of warm coffee with milk and late night conversations with secrets shared in the dark.
There is a self with another book to write and plenty of clothes to sew.
There is a self that wants to give gifts and hold hands.
There is a self who finds his way through this.

One day at a time
Promising forever feels like a necklace made of plastic, pretty and colorful, hollow and breakable, it feels like something that will inevitably become a lie.
Still, I can give you today.
Today I will not listen to the self that will kill me.
I won't look for a bottle of something bitter to put to my mouth.
I won't find someone to give me something I shouldn't have.
I will talk about happy, easy things. I will write poems about Sunday evenings.
I will give you today.