Clover hearted

In my happy ending

TW: mention of substance addiction, written as if in past tense

A joy filled chapter written from the perspective of my future self, in this chapter I try to capture hope and stop being so emo.

Fatherhood

I love my children endlessly and relentlessly.

In my home it is understood that I would rather feel the fear with you than you know it alone, tell me any story and I will hold your hand to the end of it.

I love you as anything you are, any person you will be, any role you play, and any word you use to describe yourself, I love you, I love you, I love you.

I ask before I hug you, I endlessly remind you that no question is better left unanswered, you call me poppy, you have known about poetry your whole life.

We live in joyful Sundays. I take you to the aquarium, the thrift store, and the library.

You only know me sober, you know of no father with a drink in his hand. The grasps of addiction are a story more than anything.

So far behind me

They tell me I don't seem like someone who would do drugs, they never pinned me as an addict.

My children have never seen me intoxicated, I still go to AA meetings.

Addiction has nothing it's left in my life that I cannot escape from.

I am more than my addiction and the world can see it.

I don't miss it, I stopped missing it a long time ago.

Husband

He's pretty, he's attentive, he's kind, he loves me exactly as I am.

He's a feminine man, a man who is unafraid of being lavender.

He pays attention, aware of the unspoken, always asking the right questions.

He's gentle, never abrasive, touching you lightly, speaking softly, looking at you with a kind glance.

He is there for any one of me.

Little life

I still go to AA meetings despite being sober for over ten years.

I know I am loved exactly as I am, I like myself exactly as I am.

I have a stack of finished poetry books and diaries on my nightstand.

I read poetry books in coffee shops, and I buy lockets from thrift stores.

I know I am out of my little dark age.