Falling in Love + other Conditions of Living

Chapter 4

© kelliekook

"Is this really necessary?"

Rachel wedged the phone in between her shoulder blade and ear as she used both hands to unscrew the lid on her tropical juice.

"Well, it became clear to me last night that – no offence – you need a lot of help in the dating department." Madison stated on the other end of the line.

Rachel rolled her eyes as she took a sip of her juice. "I never thought there were 'rules' to dating though. Except for 'be yourself' and all that."

A smile appeared on Rachel's lips as the sound of a small sigh came from the other end. "That's true and there aren't, dating is mostly about common sense. But see, the thing is you don't seem to have any – well at least in this area of life, no offence." 

Rachel scowled at the stab directed at her intelligence. "'No offence' is a pointless statement that does not, in any way, make me feel less offended. But please, continue with these 'rules' I'm apparently in desperate need of."

"Fine, but just for future reference, don't mock the rules. They actually work." Madison cleared her throat. "Rule number one: Always look your best. No matter where you're going, or what your doing, you could be meeting your potential Mr. Right anywhere, at any time, so it's important that you look amazing."

Rachel scoffed. "Well obvio –"

Madison tutted. "No interrupting please." Rachel huffed and took a bite of her sandwich. "Now, where was I? Oh yeah, rule number two: The 'seven minute' rule. When a guy buys you a drink he deserves at least seven minutes of your time and if you like him, make sure to buy the second round of drinks – it's not fair on him if he has to pay for everything."

Rachel ate her sandwich slowly as she listened half-heartedly to Madison ramble on and on about these supposed 'rules'. In truth, all Rachel really wanted to do was read her calligraphy book in peace while she ate her lunch. Madison was too stubborn about these things, though. She insisted on teaching Rachel all the basics and, as she put it, 'opening up her mind to the world of romance'. 

Barf. 

But it got worse, as Rachel soon discovered, this included watching classic rom-coms every night, reading popular romantic authors regularly and constantly being given tips on dating. Rachel was afraid she was descending into madness. There was only so much of this drivel she could handle.

As a teenager she had avoided romance specifically because she saw the way her female peers became so obsessed with the idea. At the time she hadn't understood why they were, but now, she could at least empathise

The men in the movies and the books were perfect, they longed for the leading lady in often unrequited ways and as they slowly charmed their way into her heart, Rachel was often charmed right along with them. It was strange, yearning for something, Rachel had always desired things that she could achieve herself. In fact, it wasn't strange at all really, it was aggravating to no end.

She didn't need this on top of everything else in her life; she couldn't be distracted from her work or studies. Her free time was supposed to be put to use with expanding her knowledge, not daydreaming about that stranger from the other night randomly appearing on her front doorstep with a bouquet of flowers and a declaration of 'love at first sight'. Why would she want that anyway? She wasn't in love with him, that would be certified insane!

Rachel breathed deeply, relax, she told herself, it's just a phase. Yes, just a phase, nothing more, she would get over it once she finished this article and then her life would go back to normal.