For Me

Oh, Little One

Her

Mom is signing some papers. I can't specifically tell from where I am standing what the papers are. Although I recognize the building that we are standing in front of. I recall being here before a couple of times.

My parents always said that we were doing a checkup in here. I didn't understand but I went along with it. I was young and I wanted to make my parents happy.

The people inside the place would ask me about how my home life was and my parents. More about school and myself. Not minding the questions, I would give them truthful answers. My life was happy back then. Back in those memories.

It has been a couple years since the last checkup. About 2 years or so. I'm 10 years old now. You see I'm not as dumb as some people may think I am. People believe since I am so shy and quite that I am also dumb or extremely smart. People at school think I am smart. People at home, my parents, think I am dumb.

They never say it to my face, but I can definitely feel it. The way they give me weird look or stopped feeding me and I had to start asking for food. Or even when I ask for help on my homework, they tell me 'How can you be so dumb to not know your own homework'.

Due to that I usually do my own homework. I don't mind anymore because I turned out to put so much time into my work that I would have my weekly work done by Wednesday latest. I am fairly smart for my age now. Not that my parents care.

They walk back into the car. I can't help but notice that they are more than usually happy. The last time I saw them this happy was when they found out that the cruise, we went on had free childcare. I stayed there for most of the trip. If I didn't find ways to sneak out.

"Why are you so happy?" I ask.

They give me a glance through the rear-view mirror.

"Don't worry honey, you will find out one day." My mom said.

I didn't feel reassured or pleased with that answer. But I have learned how to put on a face. How to please everyone around me, especially my parents. I gave them a pleased smile and nodded my head following with sweat sounding ok.

We drove back home, and I couldn't tell why they were so happy or why I was not ok with what was going on.

That was the first time they looked at me with a happy face and not get mad five seconds later.

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It was around a year later. I am almost 12 now. I was able to keep my grades up and jumped from 6th grade to 8th grade.

The only reason I was able to do this was because of the amount of time I have to myself these days. Mom announced a month after the car trip that she was pregnant. I was going to have a little siter.

My sister is now 1 year old, and my parents have never been happier. Although they won't let me interact with the child. Told me I was not careful enough to be around her. So, I stayed away. Kept to myself, focused on me. It was around this time that I decided that I had to start focusing on me.

This is because I realized that I was not able to predict the next events of my life. Or I was unable to manipulate my parents into liking me or into caring about me.

I may be 12 but I learned a long time ago that people would like you more if you pretended to be the person they wanted instead of showing your true self.

My parents are unfortunally the only pair that did not follow this rule and now I was kicked out by my sister.

I only have me and that is something I have to live with. I will pretend to be a happy child when we go out but the minute that door closes a break off before they can send me off.