Chapter 2

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Lately I've been dealing a lot with my mental health. 

Plunging headfirst into relationships and ending them just as quickly. 

From full excitement to extreme dislike. 

My mood swings were out of control. I was impulsive and reckless with anything. And I know, I've hurt a lot of people because of it. And I'm deeply sorry. I'm no longer the person I used to be. It's exhausting - life as it is. 

It's draining my whole being. And at this point, I just need my peace back. I wanted time for myself. I know how hard it is to like and love me. 

I'm a wreck, hopeless and empty. Not that I'm romanticizing my condition, but this is how my brain works at the moment. I just hope everyone would understand. This is me, and I wanted to feel love again. Not just another sudden intimacy, but that of genuine. 

Yet for now, I know how unlikely that is to happen. I'll keep pushing away people around me despite wanting me to stay. And if in any case I let you go, I hope you'll make me feel why I chose to be with you in the first place. 

I need something constant, - may it be a relentless pursuit of my recovery, or an endless chase for my happiness. I'm no longer a fan of 'should haves' and what ifs', I can't relive all my regrets in every time possible, I know how unstable I could get, yet one stable and consistent love can change my whole world upside down.

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