heaven

HELP I ALMOST CRIED 😭

Louis' pov (crazy right?)

It feels wrong. I shouldnt be here but i am. Theirs not many people which im grateful for, its his funeral. Where is everyone? Oh, right i stayed behind. Everyone left an hour ago so i guess the question is, why am i here?

I always thought of harry as a freind even if i wasnt supposed to. Actually i liked him more than that and i wish i had told him sooner. I guess...i felt like i couldnt? Like their was something wrong with it all. My mom isnt homophobic so its not that, maybe Stan? Yeah. Yeah that sounds right. The amount of regret i feel is so so much worse than any human could ever imagine.

Why did i say that?

It was never his fault

It was an accident

My fault my fault my fault my fault my fault my fault my fault my fault my fault my fault my fault my fault my fault.

Everything was my fault, i chose that decision though i wish i hadnt.

"i loved you harry''

And its the first time ive spoken since that night. After Stan stopped hitting him i ran out, i didnt call the cops. I just ran away.

I didnt help him

I could have saved him

Now im sat here at his grave forced to remember all the memories we shared together. We had some good times.

***

I drive home in silence.

My eyes start to water as i remember the memories again.

Focus

I cant stop them from spilling out. Are those lights?

Then- it all went dark. I cant see, "help!'' i shout. Or maybe that was someone else. Anyway, the voices and the sound of cars passing by start to fade and im left alone in the dark.

Suddenly i start to see light again. Very very bright light. "hello?'' i say.

"hello! Glad to see your awake. How do you feel?''

I dont know who this person is but they sound safe. Finally i open my eyes to get a glimpse at them.

"are you an angel?''

"Why yes i am! And ive been sent here to take care of you and help you with any guilt or regrets you have.''

"oh.''

"whats the matter louis?'' they know my name?

"its just that, im confused on how your supposed to help with that?''

"right. I see how that can be confusing. To help you im going to show you what would have happened if none of those "regrets" happened.''

"have you seen my mistakes? Whatever your gonna show me- its gonna be terrible and my guilt wont go away.''

The angel just laughs. Come to think of it, i dont know her name

"my name is Alina. I can read your mind''

Weird. Where am i?

"you are in heaven my dear. If you look around you can see all the other angels greeting the people they got assigned to.''

So I do look around and just as she said, theirs millions of people around. But it's not crowded it's perfect.

"Are you ready? To look at your regrets?''

No

"Yeah.''

"Okay. Just so you know, we are only looking at your biggest regrets. The ones that pain you to remember.''

Suddenly It's like I'm being transferred into a different realm.

✫彡

"Hey! Your names Louis right? Welcome to our school. My name is Stan and these are my buddies. We'll show you around.''

✫彡

the day I became friends with Stan. It was my first day and I was gullible and scared. I didn't have another option.

"i hate that one''

"your going to hate all of them louis. But thats ok because its my job to teach you not to.''she explains

"You see louis, if this never happened then you would have never read that book that calum recommended you.''

"but thats just a small thing that came out of it.''

"yes but that book made you happy correct? Even if it was just for a moment?''

"yeah. I guess it did.''

Alina shows me more of my awful regrets. But the thing is, she really did help me. I dont regret them as much, i feel more at peace.

She missed a memory though.

"i didnt. I just saved it for last, your most recent regret, and the one you regret the most. You hate it so much, you wish it was you instead of him.''

She knows me more than i know myself. Now that i think about it, i do wish it was me.

✫彡

"He made me!''

✫彡

She doesnt have to show me the rest. We both know how it goes.

I cant even try to stop them from spilling out. I cry and cry falling to my knees. A warm emrace from Alina and i start crying into her shoulder.

"I didnt want to. I loved him!''

I still love him

"are you still in love with him?''

"yes! I would do anything to go back and save him. I should have saved him!'' i sob into her shoulder. I felt like we were their for hours.

When i finally took a breathe. I didnt smell Alina's sweet scent. I smelled his.

"your okay''

He used to say that to me when we were kids and  i was upset that we couldnt play outside.

Its harry.