Truly random

Woman's rights outrage in North Dakota

I wanted to get out the truth. But my mom banned me from saying anything. So I posted it here.

Sally Hansen was getting reading for a day in the public pool of Bismarck North Dakota when she reached for her bikini. She'd always worn a bikini over her already bulging out door apparel. Never had she thought much about it as she struggled to squeeze it over her Columbia coat, or pull up the bottoms over her snow pants.

But this particular day, Sally decided not to put on her swimsuit. Little did she know how much anger this small choice would make.

Immediately upon coming out conversation stopped. People stared and general outrage broke out. She was not allowed in the pool and banned from coming back until she could "learn to conduct herself properly."

The scene has brought about something of a cold war no one is talking about. Should swimwear be required to be worn over snow apparel for swimming at public pools in North Dakota?

Woman complain bikinis are hard to put on, useless and uncomfortable. All other kinds of swimsuits are impossible to fit over.

"They're public pools. If you want to use them you have to abide by the rules." William Müller, owner of a public pool in the Mandan area argues, "next they'll refuse to sign the waver before getting in the antifreeze."

Polly Schultz, a political activist from Jamestown says, "We the people pay for the pools and they would go out of business without our money. We should have some kind of say in how they're operated. Not wearing a bikini over your snowsuit is a victimless crime and should be treated accordingly."

Bill Pedersen, a concerned citizen disagrees, "we've always had the women wear swimsuits over their snowsuits, men have to as well. If we allow them to vanquish this most practical rule, we'll have anarchy."

Many people think the whole situation is outrageous. If Sally had been anywhere else no one would have batted an eye. People in North Dakota don't wear clothes over our snowsuits, and this idea that they should wear swimsuits is absolutely ridiculous.

Other solutions have been brought forth. Some suggestion we should make men required to wear bikinis in the pools as well. Others simply think pools should be banned entirely.

"It's not a good idea to be swimming in antifreeze to start with. It dissolves skin and poisons the blood." Terry Haugen states, "Just look at any bottle of the stuff in the store, it'll tell you right there not to drink it. You think the kids are keeping their mouths shut? That's why we have zeros in math don't ya know."

When asked how children would learn to swim without pools, he said, "Drowning isn't even a reasonable fear to have here. Every drop of water outside is frozen. People should just stay on dry ground like God intended."

Legislators who the problem has been brought to have dismissed it, "This is absolutely absurd. Most women are more than happy to wear their swimsuits and feel deeply uncomfortable without them. It's the ravings of a few lunatics that wish to get them removed."

Never the less there is currently a petition in circulation to get on the ballot in November to require swimsuits to be worn underneath clothing in public pools. People worry these new rules will lead to people secretly not wearing swimsuits at all.

"Do you have any idea how awkward it would be to have to swim in the same pool with people who might not be wearing their swimwear?" Dan Smit worries.

To these cries of disapproval Sally responds, "Do you have any idea how hard it is to put a bikini on over snow wear?"

If the bill is passed, some women have cited thousands of dollars of savings for North Dakota annually, "antifreeze eats through swimsuits like nothing."