Cry for Amir

Beyond the grave

Just as I thought my world had been turned upside down, not knowing what to believe or if I fully understood what I had just read, I heard a knock on the door and received a message on my phone. It was my neighbor asking if I was home and that it was urgent. I hesitated to answer as I just wanted to be alone and try to process what I had just read.

But the knock got louder and harder to ignore, so I stormed to the door and opened it. From the look in my eyes, she knew I wanted to be left alone. I asked, "Karen, how may I help you?"
Karen replied, "May I come in?"
I responded, "I really don't want company..."
*Karen comes in anyway*
I questioned, "Did I say you could come in?"
Karen replied, "I really don't know how to tell you this."
I asked, "Tell me what? If it's about the landlord..."
Karen interrupted, "It's not about the landlord."
I inquired, "Then what is it?"
Karen hesitated, "I really don't know how to say this."
I replied, "I don't have time for this. Spit it out or come back when you are ready. Better yet, just text me."
Karen pleaded, "Wait. It's just that I don't know how you are taking Amir's death and all, but you know my aunt who works at the hospital?"
I confirmed, "Yes, but if you are trying to suggest therapy, I'm fine."
Karen clarified, "No, it's not that. It's just that Maryam died during an abortion." *she said in a low tone*
*I stared at the ceiling in disarray and disbelief*

As tears were ready to come in waves, I turned and reached for the razor blade on the table that I had used to cut my nails a few days back. I sprinted to the bathroom, locking the door behind me, with only one thing in mind - to cut myself in a vertical motion from my wrist to my elbow, making sure that even if the best doctors were next door, I couldn't be saved.

Karen banged on the bathroom door, and I waited for her to say it was one of her jokes and that I could come out. But she never said so. Underneath all that banging, I heard a voice - a voice that even if I had slit my throat and my lifeless body was on the floor, I would awaken. A voice that even if I was buried in the ground and it called my name, I would rise from death and answer. The voice continued, "Sorry, is Kausar home?" I opened the door as Karen herself couldn't answer, as she was in disbelief. I couldn't believe my eyes. "What sorcery is this?" I said. Sobbing, I walked towards them with my heart filled with rage and anger. I didn't know when I delivered two slaps to their faces, with my hand in the air for a third. Then I realized there was a stream of blood coming from their nose. Crying, I asked, "Look what you almost made me do!" as I raised both hands to show a razor blade in one hand and the mark from where I had started to cut myself in the other. I put both my hands down, and they gave me a warm embrace. Amir said, "Nice to see you too."

I handed him a tissue for his bloody nose, and he said, "I heard about Maryam. I'm so sorry. How are you feeling?" He gave me this novel to give to you, as he handed me a book titled "Beyond the Grave."
I asked, "You heard about Maryam, you faked your death, abandoned me, and you show up out of the blue giving me a journal and telling me it's from my dead friend?"
Amir replied, "I'm really sorry. I..."
*Kausar slams the door as she enters her room*