Cry for Amir

Echoes of the mind

With both journals in my hands, not knowing which journal to read first, one titled "Echoes of the Mind" and the other "Whispers of the Heart," so I picked at random and started reading. It read: "The last few months have been challenging for me personally. I felt each day was a colorless echo of the last, a monotonous cycle that left me feeling like I was drowning in a sea of grey. Even my passion for running, once a vibrant escape, had faded into the background. I would stare at the track and feel an overwhelming sense of nothingness. At my lowest, whispers of a permanent escape would creep into my thoughts, a siren call that promised an end to the pain. But in the back of my mind, a flicker of hope persisted—a reminder of your little laughter, the warmth of the morning sun, or the crisp air on your face during your hikes in the hills. My story is a tightrope walk between despair and the fight to find beauty in small things, a reminder that even in our darkest chapters, there are pinpricks of light waiting to be seen. I know we will always share everything with each other, our laughs and cries, but this felt unsharable because of the lies embedded in each scenario. The trip to Texas wasn't a trip; I was admitted to the hospital after nearly killing myself with an overdose. The getaway trip to Malaysia wasn't a vacation; I was in rehab trying to overcome my addictions. I need you to understand that I wanted to tell you, but my parents felt it was much better (much better for them) to keep it a secret. They didn't want to damage Mommy and Daddy's reputation by showing the world that they have a drug-addicted son battling depression and anxiety. I closed the journal as I couldn't keep reading. Tears burst out from my eyes, and guilt filled my heart. Asking myself if I wasn't a good enough friend for Amir to confide in, knowing he was always there for me and that he helped me get through my darkest times and always wanted me to have hope. A sharp rap at the door fractured the silence, each knock a drumbeat of urgency that echoed through the stillness of the room. It was Maryam. Maryam slipped into the room like a shadow. She treaded softly, seeing me sad and in tears. She wrapped me in a gentle embrace, offering a silent haven of comfort. "I am an awful friend and an awful person," I said while still in Maryam's embrace. She replied, "No, you are not. What happened?" Kausar asked, "Did you know Amir was disturbed and had thoughts of taking his own life? What kind of friend is so self-centered that they don't notice a friend in distress?" Maryam replied, "That doesn't make you an awful friend. Amir was acting distant towards the end. We did all we could have done, which was try to be there for him." Kausar asked, "We?" Maryam replied, "I mean you, you and Princess." Kausar hissed, "If it wasn't a car accident, I would've sworn Princess had something to do with Amir's death. Amir did nothing but love that girl, and all she did was make him feel like less of a person because he is humble. She never let go of the grudge of the family company being offered to Amir and him turning it down. One of the reasons she wanted him out of the way." Maryam said, "I don't think you should say that. I mean, don't get me wrong, Princess and Amir had bad blood, but yet again, Princess had bad blood with everyone. But I don't think she has that much villain in her to kill." Kausar replied, "I have lost count of the times Princess and Amir had an argument, and Princess told Amir to drop dead. And each time, Amir replied with 'love you too.' Princess hated everything and everyone." Maryam said, "I don't think you are being fair to Princess. I mean, Amir is her brother, her blood after all. Yeah, sure, they had a couple of arguments, and sure, she said mean things, but siblings argue and siblings are mean to each other all the time. Doesn't mean she would murder him." Kausar asked, "Just hold on, whose side are you on? And when did you and Princess become friends?" Maryam murmured, "Since you became self-centered." Kausar asked, "What did you say?" Maryam replied, "You know what, I think I should take my leave. I shouldn't have this argument with you. You are still mourning and looking for someone to blame." Maryam left, and I climbed onto my bed with tears in my eyes, unable to finish "Echoes of the Mind." So I picked up the next "Whispers of the Heart," hoping it would bring enlightenment.