feelings

ｂａｄ ｎｅｗｓ

𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐:  𝙽𝚘 𝚂𝚞𝚛𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚎𝚜

"You noticed me first,

Then, eventually I noticed you as well.

We caught each other staring,

But we never did anything about it.

It kept going on, and on, for a whole year.

Until you got over it.

But I was stuck over you, and I still am.

What did I do to deserve this?

What did I do so wrong to fall in love with the wrong person?

I've always been nice and patient.

Then you came into my life, and suddenly I didn't want to wait for you any longer.

I saw you and I wanted you at that moment.

Not later. Right then and there.

But, of course I lost the battle.

Can't blame you for choosing her, though.

She's prettier.

She's popular.

She might be funnier.

She might be the one for you.

She's the female version of you.

She has no flaws.

She's friendly.

But can she love you the same way that I do?

I know that we never dated, but we could've given it a chance.

Maybe if we weren't both scared of rejection, we could've had something.

I don't even know if you two are dating.

If you are, I hope you're happy.

But as selfish as this sounds, I hope you realize one day that we could've been better.

We lost it.

We lost it to fear.

We lost it to lack of communication.

And I lost you to her.

I wish I could go back in time and change everything.

I wish I could go back and confess to you.

I wish we could have had something.

I wish you heard the conversations I had with my friends about you.

I wish I could be enough for you.

I wish I wasn't ugly.

Every day I see you and my heart shatters more and more.

Every day I see you. 

With different girls. 

My heart breaks more.

I hate that I love you so fucking much.

I hate myself for it, because I was so easily trapped by you.

I guess that says a lot, because it took me only three days to start noticing you.

Shows how easily I fall when someone shows the slightest bit of interest in my ugly ass.

Why am I like this?

Why am I so obsessed with you even though you're like every other boy?

Why am I so down bad even though you're a bright red flag?

I can't bring myself to hate you even after you had me shitting tears in my room.

I tell my friends that I hate you, knowing damn well I don't.

Knowing damn well that I would notice you first in a crowded room.

Why don't I hate you, even after knowing you like someone else?

Why is it so hard to get over you, even though you're a clone of every other boy.

Is this what it means to be in love?

Or is this what it means to be in love with someone that doesn't reciprocate your feelings?

One-sided love.

I wonder if you could be reading this right now.

You wouldn't even realize all this is about you.

My heart is like a water jug.

You filled it up to the top only to drain all of it again.

Then the jug got old so you threw it away and bought a new one.

We never were a thing, but I feel like you threw me away.

You threw away my love.

You threw away my attention.

Yet, I'm still here, waiting for you.

And if you don't come back, it's alright.

I can't force you to love me.

So, I'll just wait. 

I'll wait to see what you'll do in the future.

If you find the one for you, I'll be happy for you and leave.

If you decide to come back, I'll welcome you with open arms.

I would do anything to make you happy.

I want to be the reason that you smile every day.

I will never leave you.

Even if you leave me for her,

I'll be glad that I was given a chance to be with you.

I'd take a bullet for you.

Maybe then, you'd appreciate at least one of the sacrifices I made for you."

-lover girl.

This was supposed to be a poem, but then I realized how hard it was to rhyme words 😭. I got motivation to write this after I found out that a girl has a private story with just him in it. She also posts a lot on it and he knows that he's the only person that can watch it 😍. I'm cooked y'all.

It's fine though cause I'm in my self-love era (I'm really fucking jealous)

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