To Be

2

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Tahir

A loud beep woke me up from my sleep. I had to wake up for my early morning football workouts. I shook the girl sleeping on top of
me off. She rolled over and I wrote a note telling her to leave when she woke up.

I walked into my bathroom yawning preparing to wash my face and brush my teeth. I knew it was cold outside so I made it a point to layer.

I put on my sweatsuit and my slides throwing my hood over my durag. I grabbed my keys slamming my door shut so she would wake up.

I jogged down the steps of my athlete housing. I started thinking about how I bumped into Tahlia. I hadn't seen her since her graduation party. Of course I knew she was up here, but she made it a point that she wanted to keep
her distance.

"Wassup." I threw my head up at my teammate.

We began walking to workouts talking about season. Homecoming was to weeks away, and campus was already getting started.

"Who you had in your room last night?" He eyed me.

"Her name Maya." I shrugged making him
laugh.

"Nigga you funny." He shook his head.

"Nigga I'm single." I rolled my eyes.

I was somewhat known to never settle down. Was I a walking STD? Nah I was just enjoying college.

I didn't see a problem with my ways, nobody really did. The girls knew I wasn't going to settle down.

"I feel you, it's hard." He nodded.

"Right I feel like they throw it on a platter ever since I went D1." I opened the gate to workouts.

"They do, not all of them but they do." He walked in behind me.

I of course one day was going to chill out. One day, not today though. I sighed mentally preparing myself for the next 3 hours. We were lifting and running plays.

I loved football, sometimes it got hard to maintain. I wish I could just be a regular student, I'd have more free time. It comes with its perks though, number one being females.

~~

I walked into the cafe knowing it was going to be packed. It was fried chicken Friday and right around dinner time.

I walked over to the high top tables sitting with my homeboys. They were talking about some party tonight.

"I can't get caught up tonight." I shook my head.

"He literally can't, that's three weekends in a row." Said Justin.

"Three is nasty work." TJ laughed.

"I'm deadass too." I insisted.

"Maya don't look like she can fight though." My teammate said.

"Them be the onesss." We all dragged.

I smelled a perfume making me turn my head. Not just any perfume, I knew it like the back of my hand. Her hair always smelled like coconut and her lotion was always shea butter. Her perfume mixed with her body chemistry perfectly, she had smelled good since freshman year.

Tahlia walked past us with Ari to a booth. She set down her plate sitting in her seat. She laughed getting out her fork to eat.

"Hypothetically speaking though Tah, what is Maya really going to do? It was just a one time thing." TJ shrugged.

"Yea but I mean, bitches be bonkers. We fucked once now I ain't shit?" I shrugged.

"You aren't, like you indeed aren't shit." Jay laughed.

I used to be different, shy and insecure.

I enjoyed all the freedoms that came with college. It was like and episode of Grown•ish except I was Yara.

I could hear Tahlia's laugh over the loud cafe. You could always tell how funny the joke was based on how long she laughed. She always ended up in tears if it was real funny. I smiled a bit seeing her cry from laughter.

I knew she hated me. She hated me for what I did to her and to other females. She was the only person I knew that didn't excuse my behavior, that's why I couldn't stand to be around her sometimes. She thought she was always right, even though she always was.

No matter how much she hated me she would always mean a lot to me.

"So we going to this party or whattt?" TJ dragged.

"Yea I just got to keep my hood on." I nodded.

I had finished practice and had a rest day tomorrow. I knew I could have some fun tonight.

I got the hang of college quick. It was easy as an athlete everything got handed to you. Professors automatically took a liking to me and gave me easier work.

I knew deep down I was entitled and arrogant. I knew I needed to change and work on my mental health. It felt good being on a high though. It felt good being favored just for playing a sport.

College treated me well, but for some reason I always felt empty. I had a void in my life that I was too busy playing around to fill.

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