I Will Always Love You

Chapter Ten: One Step

"Hey there," said Beck, running a nervous hand through his hair.

"Hi," I said with a fake cold indifference. On the inside I felt like crap. Did Beck really not care about me? Was Tori his girlfriend? Is that why he couldn't be with me? Because there was obviously some sense of responsibility or loyalty he felt to someone else stopping him, since it was obvious he wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him. "What are you doing here?'

"I'm here because, although we're still broken up," he said warningly, "You're going through a tough time. You need a comforting face around.

'I'd feel more comforted with your lips pressed against mine' I thought. It was only until after did I realize I had mumbled aloud.

"Jade, I'm here for you. Platonically." He emphasized the word platonically so much that a four-year-old toddler would hear the innuendo.

He stood and I sat in an awkward silence, neither of us knowing what to say yet. "How's your face I asked abruptly after a minute or two.

Beck shrugged, his usual nonchalance clouding his expression. "It's a little painful but it'll heal with time." Beck had always been a 'suffer in silence' type, one of the things I always liked about him. He would always be open to listen to my problems. And he'd never ever tell another soul. He was the only person I've ever felt safe confiding in, but that new girl Tori, I think one day, a while from now, I could trust her. And that might be what scare me the most about her.

"You might need these antibiotics more than me," I joked. "André gave you a shiner that was actually pretty good—for him."

Completely changing topics, "Are you still going to Hollywood Arts after you get out of here?" He looked worried; like he was afraid I'd say no.

"Why wouldn't I?" I deadpanned.

"Well I mean, everything's gonna be so different to you. And they might make you re-take some courses and just... everyone and everything is gonna seem so different," he said, repeating himself.

"As long as you, Cat, Gepetto, New girl, and Mr. right Hook are there I'll figure my way around," I shrugged. I'm Jade West, I don't back down from a challenge, and Beck just totally laid one on the table, whether or not he knew it or not.

"Translating into, 'I'm badass Jade West, therefore I accept the challenge," said Beck in that all-knowing way. I smiled to myself. It was comforting to know that there was somebody else out there who understood me so well. Sure he only knew half of me, half of my complexities, and I knew that's all he'd ever know, despite the crash, because there are some places in my mind that I'd never tell anyone. I'd only tell all my shit to somebody I planned to marry or something. Beck was great, but we weren't that close. Yet. Although who knows, maybe I've already lost my virginity to him... but I have no idea. Holy crap I could've lost my fucking virginity to him!

"Have I lost my virginity to you?" I asked, unable to not ask.

Suddenly a stunned look passed over Beck's face, like he couldn't even believe I had just said that. The long silence that passed over us started slowly killing me. Had I lost my virginity to Beck? I'm an idiot! Oh my god! Who just asks that question! Eventually, after a good five minutes, but what seemed like eternities to me, he finally responded. "Yeah."

Holy. Fucking. Shit! "You took my virginity," I muttered. It's like I couldn't wrap my head around it. My innocence, or what was left, my purity was stolen from me. Taken in the night. And I can't even remember it. I was no longer a virgin. I feel like a thousand options that I hadn't yet realized had been taken from me. Wow, not that I'd ever want to, but my options of being a nun, down the tube. "You took my virginity," I repeated, as though it was my montra, like I couldn't live without saying that continuously. I had loved Beck enough to... and he had loved me enough to... HE STOLE MY VIRGINITY! I felt.... Numb. Suddenly I had the sudden urge to touch my breasts, see if anything had changed. Reach down between my legs and see if anything felt different. I felt like it should be. It was almost... incomprehensible.