Oneshots! (Mostly Hermitcraft)

One More Time: From brothers into strangers once again [Impulse]

Febuwhump Day 7: Suffering in Silence ft. Human!Impulse

Summary:
Skizz is joining Hermitcraft. Skizz is joining Hermitcraft. His best friend in the multiverse is finally joining the server he calls home. There's just one problem: Skizz is the only one who can get Impulse's walls down. To be perfectly honest, Impulse would prefer it if those walls stayed up. They're his only protection against the multiverse and the things that have hurt him in the past. He can't afford the hermits finding out about his constant mental condition. He just can't.

OR

The author projects too hard and gives Impulse Borderline Personality Disorder.

TWs: self-harm, self-esteem issues, self-worth issues, temporary death

Impulse snaps the journal closed and throws his pen at his desk, wrapping the leather ties around the book and putting it back under his mattress. He's currently between the season nine and season ten worlds, mere days from the moment he and the rest of the hermits can enter the server and begin living there. Until then, he lives in a small apartment-like building in a random single-player world he keeps open for occasions like these. It goes offline when he leaves and takes several weeks to start up again, so he doesn't retreat there often.

He buries his head in his hands, scratching at his semi-greasy hair. Notch, he needs to shower. He glances at the time. 2:47 a.m. He groans, flopping back on his bed and staring at the ceiling, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. He rubs them away stubbornly. This isn't the first time he's had to be separate from the others; he can handle it. It's not like he has severe attachment issues or anything. No, definitely not.

Truth be told, Impulse doesn't want the next season to start. Sure, he's been planning an epic dystopian cyberpunk build with Bdubs; he even has a new outfit just for the occasion. Something about a fresh world brings a refreshing sense of peace and newness, allowing him to temporarily let go as he messes around with the other hermits. It's fun to die and respawn in the new world, injuries healing over perfectly as they laugh at their antics.

Despite all this, he doesn't want the season to start.

His reasoning is stupid. It's so, so, dramatically stupid. Season ten is the first season his best friend, Skizzleman, will be playing on the server with them, along with Grian's good friend Smallishbeans, or Joel. He's known for quite a while that Skizz and Joel would be joining – he'd been one of the votes that led to the unanimous decision – but he can't help but feel apprehensive about the result of their decision. Again, his reason is stupid.

Impulse is always wearing a mask. Not a literal one – that'd be too easy to figure out – but a metaphorical one. He has to prove himself strong and unbreakable like bedrock. Ironically, he's one of the few hermits that actively breaks the block. Then again, he's the only one who can break down his masks. However, he created them for a reason. Impulse has been hurt far too many times for him to trust anyone with his real self.

The only one who's seen him vulnerable is Skizz, his best friend. He says best friend because, for some reason, Skizz has stuck around. No matter how much Impulse pushes him away or refuses to talk to him, Skizz stays with him, patiently waiting until he's ready to talk. A year and a half ago, it wouldn't take much for him to open up and confess his battling emotions. However, ever since Skizz had some troubles of his own, Impulse had found himself withdrawing more and more until he was rarely talking. Still, Skizz stuck around.

When he's on Hermitcraft, it's easy to escape Skizz's texts and calls by saying he's busy with a build or farm, or that he's hanging out with one of the other hermits. He doesn't want Skizz to worry, so he hides his real self away, forcing it to suffer in silence as he cycles through his masks with each interaction.