: ̗̀➛ Revival Of The Fittest

8. Betrayals

"Because he was just like me." Phoenix said, walking over to me, and I felt her warmth engulf me as her wings wrapped around me, protecting me. Give her her dues, whilst she made my life hell she did protect me from everyone else - anything else life had to throw at me that wasn't because of her. She was like a guardian angel, in a way.

I felt the lingering question in the air and sighed, leaning back into Phoenix. I'm not enjoying this anymore. I want to go home. "Show them the damn clip then, you useless bird."

I watched as a flame escaped her mouth and became a small window for us to watch her memories. I've always hated this memory; how I used to see the world. It was rather poetic of me, though. I was a fifteen year old with so much trauma I didn't know what to do with it, and yet I still took a moment to make it sound beautiful. It wasn't intentional, of course - I had not only my own rage running through me, but Phoenixes as well, and I had learned to despise everyone for not being able to save me, even if there was nothing they could do because I thought it was unfair that I had been left to suffer even more when I deserved some piece of freedom; some sense of sanity.

"Why are you like this?" Phoenix asked, her rubies glinting with some unknown emotion. I still don't know what it was, to this day. "Why... are you like me? You're still a child."

I think this is when I finally snapped. When I finally became the monster they saw me as. I'm surprised it took this long. "It took three betrayals for me to finally understand that the world is just an elaborate tapestry of lies, and my fury will never be quelled. The first to betray me? It was a God. My creator. My mother. Valuing strength above all, she saw no worth in me, and I was quickly discarded. The second was a human. My family... my friend. Consumed by fear, he saw me as nothing but an abomination and abandoned me. The third was one exactly like me. A hope for the future. A fledgling barely out of the nest. Powerless before the wrath of the Gods, he broke his promise to me. People. They can't be trusted. And the Gods fill me with pure loathing. So, I say good riddance. I denounce the world and laugh in its face. My chest will never again be defiled by worldly filth. I will scrub away every last trace of human emotion. Then I will be empty; a blank slate. And ready to receive a supreme Gnosis, brimming with pure divinity. This era is coming to an end."

You could sense the fury emanating off of me, and it almost hurt to think of the damage I've done because I couldn't see past my own selfish intentions. It almost makes a guy want to go back on all his so-called ideals. It's a shame I'm too far gone to do such a thing. I hate what I've become. There's not much I can do, though. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I have to play the cards dealt to me. Even if it's the crappiest hand possible.

"You know, I'm proud of how far you've come." Sora's voice pierced through the silence, and we all turned to look at him. Where's this coming from? "Looking back at it now, I realise it mustn't have been easy, and I sure as hell know I didn't make it any better for you. But now look at you. You've come a long way, Ankoku."

The memory of someone telling me that they are proud of me is a rare and precious one. It's a feeling of appreciation that I have experienced very few times in my life. I can only recall two instances where someone expressed their pride in me and both times, weirdly enough, it was Phoenix, a Goddess who knew me at my lowest, who had brought me to my knees more times than I could count. I had hit rock bottom on both occasions and destroyed everything, including myself. I was a lost soul, consumed by my demons. However, Phoenix saw something in me that I couldn't see and was proud of me for reaching that low point, for whatever reason. It was a feeling of pride that I had never experienced before, and something I'm not sure I'll ever feel again.

But now I have someone proud of me for overcoming my struggles and becoming a better person. It's a new feeling, and I am not sure how to react to it. I'm not sure I liked the implications. When Sora expressed his pride in me, I was left speechless, staring at him for a couple of seconds, unsure of how to respond. He shouldn't be proud of me. I've done nothing of worth. I turned away stubbornly, feeling a sense of comfort in the warmth of Phoenix. She's all I've ever had, so it makes sense. She fought off everything that I didn't want to face, as long as it benefited her. And it's not that I don't appreciate the sentiment of it all; it's just that I don't know how to accept it. I don't experience this kind of stuff. It's almost as if I don't believe that I deserve it, which makes sense. I just don't know what these emotions are. I can't do this.

Sora let out a short laugh, understanding the confusion I had around my emotions. It's such a strange feeling when someone is usually so proud of you for being at your absolute worst and destroying everything you can, but now that you're in a supposedly better place people are just as proud of you. It's like you don't know which version of yourself you should be proud of. It's an internal struggle that is difficult to express in words, and I hated every moment of it.

"Still can't handle praise, huh? Sorry 'bout that, didn't mean to embarrass you in front of everyone." I could sense the smile in his voice, and I hated it. He shouldn't be this happy around me. He should despise my very existence. "Why don't you go for a walk? Go clear your head. We'll start training, and then you might even decide to join in when you come back."

"I might actually beat you this time," Masaaki mumbled, clearly agitated and wishing to change the subject. I don't blame him. The topic at hand is less than ideal. I let out a small laugh.

"In your dreams. I will forever reign supreme, and you know that." I taunted, regretting ever opening up. It was never worth it. I stood up and felt Phoenix leave. Strangely enough, I missed her presence.

'I'm flattered that you feel this way, but focus on your relationships with them for now. They are gonna be who make or break you in this little charade, and I'm banking on the fact that they break you later on. Apologise about today, say you're gonna go on a walk to clear your head, and that you'll be back to help with training.' Phoenix's voice rang through my mind.

"I'm sorry about today. I'll go for a walk, clear my head, and then come back for training, alright?" I glanced at Sora, who nodded at me. I don't deserve him. My eyes wandered over to Masaaki, who watched me, and for once there was no disdain in his eyes. I was a human being in his eyes, rather than this monster controlled by a God. That should make my life a bit easier. My eyes turned to Fubuki as I started to walk away. He was glued to his phone, uninterested by his surroundings. Why am I not surprised? He never struck me as the kind of the guy to give a damn about much.

I opened the door to the outside and let out a sigh of relief. Finally, a moment to breathe. I can collect my thoughts. I can figure out where the hell to go from here.