No One But Me

Chapter 11 - Return To Ruin

*HEAVY WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER - noncon and abusive Joel, please read at your own risk and please do not send me hate. This is a Dead Dove Do Not Eat fic*

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Oscar sits on the edge of his mattress and watches the snow lightly falling outside his bedroom window. Without an official measurement to accurately mark dates of the month, Oscar always relied on the first snowfall of the season to guess how early into December it might be. When the delicate flakes of white began fluttering in the air, he knew it would be nearing Christmas.

This time of year was laced with bittersweetness for Oscar. Prior to the ending of the world there had been beautiful moments in his life that were borne in the month of December, framed by the magical glow of seasonal snow and Christmas spirit. One of the greatest of those moments was when Oscar proposed to Elvie, his true love, the woman who would later become his wife.

It was etched into the recesses of his memory, playing in his imagination like a vintage black and white film reel with no sound. Oscar and Elvie gathered infront of a decadant Christmas tree. Oscar lowering himself to one knee infront of her, a small black jewellery box in one hand, his adoring face beaming up at her. Elvie weeping tears of joy and nodding enthusiastically before Oscar stands to kiss her passionately.

Then the memories fade abruptly, the image of Elvie's face dissipates into black, and Oscar is once more transported back to the bleak reality of life as a survivor of the apocalypse. It always takes a few moments for him to acclimatise back to the present, for both his mind and heart to connect back to consciousness. The residual aching inside his rib cage has become a familiar consistent throb, one that eventually passes once he is distracted enough by reality.

Oscar rubs his hands together to generate some warmth against the chill that has seeped into his room. Although he finished his patrol shift over an hour ago, he is still dressed in the same clothes he wore, too tired and apathetic to bother changing into something more casual.

Oscar likes his work as a patrolman and stable hand. He revels in asserting his value as a community member in any occupation, but his role as a patrolman is of particular merit. It has given him many opportunities to demonstrate his physical strength and combat abilities, aswell his problem solving skills. The work keeps him sharp, he finds.

But nothing Oscar does gives him the same level of contentment he felt while being at the library with you. The days aren't as bright or exciting without you around. You aren't there at the stables to greet him with your pretty smile, or to share pockets of emotional intimacy with him during lunch breaks. He misses telling you the entertaining things that have happened to him during the week and the endearing chortle he earns from you, the tiny bubble of pride that rises inside him to be the one whose made you laugh.

Oscar has wanted to visit you. He's thought about spontaneously popping into the library or the school when you're almost finishing for the day but the timing is never right; he either returns from patrol soon after you finish your work, or he's due to begin just before. He considered going to your cottage to say hello but he's too shy, too afraid of possibly making you feel uncomfortable. So instead he looks for you at every mealtime he attends at the mess hall, desperate to capture even the briefest glimpse of you somewhere amongst the clusters of residents. You're never there, though.

Are you eating lunch without him? Oscar wonders randomly. When you had unexpectedly crossed his path the other week, he was startled by the change in your appearance - your face looked sharper and there was something about your eyes that unsettled him...there was a distant and dull sort of quality to your orbs that he hasn't seen before. Depleated is the word that came to Oscar's mind.