Puppeteer

Nine.

Across the street, someone yells while chasing their dog down. This adds to my headache. It's very early in the morning, I doubt a little peace and quiet can be too much to ask for.

I pick up my phone, people on the groupchat are ranking Halloween outfits and my name keeps popping up. Well I'm popular either way so it doesn't bother me one bit. But to be completely honest, I know I ate that look. A couple of believers on the groupchat are saying things about how improper it is to celebrate the holiday. I could hardly care. If I didn't want to celebrate it, then I wouldn't.

My splitting headache causes my memory to wander back to yesterday with that guy named Andryc Kaniel who was talking all sorts of rubbish about my email address and the new girl.

Hey, you busy? I sort of want to take you out.
A text from Hakeem makes my insides feel bubbly in a way. Also, good morning beautiful!
Hakeem and I had been in a sort of situationship since the last school session ... although I've been trying my best not to label what we are. Sometimes we're together, other times we aren't. Sometimes we kiss, other times he's kissing other people. Sometimes we text till five a.m., other times we're leaving each other unread. He stays near Yeshua so that's how my besties had found out about us.

A sense of relief washes over me of course. At least I've got something to do today to rid myself of unnecessary thoughts about Yeshua and Jael.
Sure, OK.
I try my best not too sound too excited when he sends me texts like these because the air between us could change anytime.

Where would you like?
I pick a random place and let him know I'll be there, then I peel myself off the sheets to freshen up and then I tell my mom I'll be out with a friend. Hakeem talks to Yeshua, so I guess there are somethings about Yeshua's incident I would love to ask him about.

I meet him at a cat cafe. I absolutely love them. Hakeem is tall and dark skinned, very easy to spot. He's sitting comfortably by the corner in an old T-shirt... probably one he slept in the night before. I almost feel angry at myself for putting in effort in my appearance... putting my hair up in a ponytail, adding lipgloss...

"Hey..." it comes out raspy.
Hakeem looks up from his phone and smiles, "Hey, Willie."
I take a seat, "Funny you treating me for breakfast like this."
"I thought you liked that sort of stuff?"
"..." I absolutely do.
"You look looked so cool at Charlotte's party. I never had a chance to tell you."
"You came?"
"She invited all her classmates, did she not?"
I laugh, "You literally never attend parties."
"I try sometimes."

Then again, it's Charlotte's party. Not a lot of people choose to just miss it.
"I haven't gotten the chance to see you since the break."
"Ha... yeah. Me neither." I don't want to hear that from him, "You're still part of the swimming club right?"
"From time to time..."
I laugh, "You're so impermanent! What do you mean from time to time?"

A staff walks by us with a tray of muffins. Hakeem's explanation starts to sound like a silent buzz as I find myself paying rapt attention to her. She walks out the front door and I start to wonder I guess they take deliveries?. The tiny bell jingles as she opens the door and shuts it. She saunters a bit onto the road. She scurries back inside the cafe. Vehicles are passing by. She shakes her head, throws the door open and shut again, still holding the tray of muffins before proceeding to throw herself in front of a moving vehicle.

I scream, "Stop!"
Hakeem's laugh distracts me from my panic. "What do you mean stop, you've barely been paying attention to me for the past few minutes."

I realize the few people in here are looking at me like I'm weird and they've got expressions on like nothing crazy just happened. Did nothing crazy happen? Was it my imagination?

"Well, while you were too busy being a terrible listener, I asked for muffins. I remember you said you liked your coffee sweet right?"

The same woman comes and drops a tray of muffins coupled with cups of coffee. I blink. Didn't she just commit? Wasn't she just bashed in?
Hakeem murmurs a thank you but I can't stop staring at her.

She has Poppy's eyes. Unnerving and over dilated. I start to feel uncomfortable.

"Hey ... did you see that?" I ask Hakeem.
"See what?" He asks?
"Nothing," I say. I inwardly facepalm. Did I really expect him to see anything?
This is weird. I just saw something weird... and I'm not sure if it was my imagination or not.

"Hey, my mom just texted. I think I'll just take these and leave."
"She did?"
"Um ... yeah..." I pretend to look at something on my phone.
"I've barely had a proper talk with you, Renwil."
I would love to stay but I saw something weird and I don't want to contemplate my mental health.
"Some other time? I'd be down I promise."
"I'll take you home."
"Yeah cool." Whatever.

Hakeem pays and we walk over to his car.
"Hey, Renwil... you ... did Josh tell you anything?"
As I seatbelt myself, my entire face changes expression.
"What about Yeshua?"
"No I mean... since you weren't around I thought..."
I'm instantly curious, "Hakeem, do you know anything about that? I wanted to ask but ..." but I got carried away by the frightening sight I saw and forgot.
"No ... no I don't. That's why I'm asking. He didn't tell me anything. He didn't tell anyone anything. No note, or anything."
"No note?" He'd just go away silently?
"It's cool if you don't know anything. He's still with us I guess." Hakeem dismisses.

I keep trying my best not to let my mind wander to that. I tell Hakeem not to pull up in front of my house, just a little distance away so that my parents don't see me.

"Um ... thanks I guess. I'll see you in school?"
Hakeem helps me undo the seatbelt. "Definitely."

I attempt to leave but he pulls me a little bit, hinting at a more than casual goodbye.
"We aren't doing this," I assert.
"Why not?" His big hands brush deliberately against my thighs. He leans in and kisses my mouth. "See, you let me."
He does it again, parting my lips and tongue kissing me. I kiss back knowing I'm so easy. It's such a familiar kiss, such a familiar feeling. These are the kinds of things I'd tell Jael and she'd warn me about but I'd never listen. I don't want him touching me! I don't want to keep doing this with him!

He pulls back and smiles, "I miss you."
I get out of his car.
You don't, you absolute bastard.

His touch on my thigh lingers and I'm irritated at myself. I have no more lipgloss on, wonderful.

I announce my presence when I walk inside the house. It's still early morning so my parents don't mind so much. They literally don't even leave their rooms. I fling myself onto my bed and groan on my pillow. I am such an absolute idiot!

Ignoring Andryc Kaniel's warning from yesterday, I text Jael and tell her about this morning. It's been delivered. I expect her to type for hours about how it's not my fault and how I should think it over and how I shouldn't do it again and that she's coming over right now to talk to me.
I don't see such a text.

I wait for a bit and I see that she's sent me a photo. It's not any photo, it's a screenshot of Hakeem's private story. A mirror selfie with Charlotte in her underwear. Her hair has got her face covered but I know it's her.

"This is different, Wil, different from when he leaked your body. I'm not going to beg you to stay away from him."

My face goes red with embarrassment when Jael brings that up. Usually she wouldn't. It sounds so rude and it hurts me. Jael knows how I feel about that incident. She wouldn't try to use it to tell me to learn my lesson. Her words sting, a complete deviation from her usual supportive tone.

I tear up. Those were supposed to be between me and him... the whole school literally saw that!

I roll myself in my duvet and attempt to fall back asleep. I wait for Jael's follow-up message, expecting her to come through and express concern. That doesn't happen.

I shut my eyes tight. This morning did not deserve me.