FORCED TO MARRY AND I CHOSE YOU

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The speaker gets down from the stage and another speaker is announced up the stage. I watch all of this happen with a sad heart,I look at the big screen behind the speaker and I see a large picture of him. His gorgeous smile makes the portrait even more beautiful, his eyes adding to the black and white shade. I look around me,looking at all the strange faces that came out in numbers today to By HL's memorial service. I don't know 80% of these people here however I am grateful for their availability.

I look at a now sober Tiyani who's concentrating on what the speaker is saying about his younger brother. Since he heard of Hlanganani's passing he has been drinking like no body's business. And since we are all grieving,no one cared to reprimand him or check if he's okay. We are all dealing with this in our own ways and we are too hurt to try to comfort other people.

We are still in Gauteng,at the city's biggest hall for his memorial service. His send off will be in two days time in Limpopo. And we totally understand that not everyone will be able to come down to Tzaneen and say their last Goodbyes hence we decided to have his memorial service here where at least a number of people get to come and say their Goodbyes. Its a bitter sweet moment,I get to hear about my husband from other people,get to see him in the world's eyes and with each story that someone has to tell about By HL I get to know a different side to him.

Today's speeches are strictly for people he worked with and friends from the music industry. While family and close friends will say their speeches at his funeral. Mthunzi is also part of today's program but as his manager and not best friend. A few jokes are made here and there to lighten up the mood. I won't lie...today's service is beautiful. Heart breaking but beautiful.

DAY OF THE FUNERAL:

I feel like everyone is expecting me to cry my lungs out. They are expecting me to burst out into hot tears. Since we woke up this morning,since we got ready for his funeral,since we all wore black clothes and since I'm sitting in front next to my brother staring at his dark brown coffin. I have also surprised myself... not a single tear has left my eyes this morning,not even when I saw his coffin for the first time today.

For some odd reason his body was only brought in today morning from the morgue and not last evening. I don't understand the reason behind that and my father in-law was just as confused and angry when Akani said that they can't bring his body into the yard. I understood us not viewing him because apparently he is hurt so bad so no one was allowed to view him,I have not even went to the mortuary to bathe him,only Akani went for that. But him not coming into the yard...okay never mind. I get it now...he died a tragic death.

Tho his father didn't seem to care about that,he wanted his son to be here last night. Anyways the church service has started and I'm quite surprised with the number of people who could make it from different provinces especially Gauteng. This just shows how loved he was and how not only our family is affected by his passing but almost the entire country.

We hear speeches from his neighbours, childhood friends,aunts,uncles and closest friends. "The next person to speak is the late's brother Akani Baloyi" the MC announces for Akani to go on the stage. Both Akani and Tiyani stand up and walk to the stage. "Avuxeni, sanibonani,dumelang and hello." That's Tiyani taking the mic instead of his brother. The crowd murmurs greetings in response as Tiyani takes a moment to master enough courage and face the crowd again. "Loyi a nga yima emahlweni ka n'wima iTiyani Baloyi. Wa vumbirhi waku velekiwa yi Mhani na Tatana Baloyi(The person standing before you all is Tiyani Baloyi. The second born of Mr and Mrs Baloyi)" he introduces himself.

"Loyi a nga yima etlhelo ka mina imakwerhu wa mina lonkulu Akani (Standing besides me is my elder brother Akani) and I'm standing in for him. This does not feel right,I don't feel honoured to be standing before you all to talk about my little brother. This feels so wrong to do,how am I expected to speak good about him in death when I couldn't do so when he was still alive..." He pauses, he looks down as his shoulders are shaking and Akani gives him a firm pat on the shoulder. What he said wasn't coming from a bad place...he genuinely means good,its coming from a place of grief and heartache.