The struggles we face

Part 2-Panic Attacks

A/N - This was based of how I feel when I have panic attacks (unfortunately.) Hope you enjoy!

As the paperwork piled up on his desk, he took his lunch break to get away from all the stress that all the paperwork involved. As he went into the break room, he felt his body heating up. He quickly established what was happening to him and knew what he needed. He grabbed the keys to his car and quickly walked out the door to his Camaro. He needed TK. He needed him now. He wanted TK to hold him and comfort him so he could get back to work before people started to notice.

He walked into the firehouse, trying to regulate his breathing and stop his hands from shaking. However, his breathing only became worse when he saw that the ambulance wasn't in the station. Luckily, Owen saw his son-in-law walk into the station and went over to greet him, assuming he was looking for TK.
'Hey Carlos, TK should be back soon. Wanna hang around for a bit?'
'Yeah...um.......sure..y-yeah'
'Carlos...are you alright?'
'I'm fine, I'm good'
'Your hands are shaking and you can't even make eye contact with me'
'I-I-I can't br-brea-breathe'
'Hey hey Carlos cmon come sit down over here' he said softly, gesturing for him to take a seat at the counter.

After what seemed like an hour, the ambulance pulled up into the station. Owen was trying his best to get Carlos' hands to stop shaking and his heart rate in control, which was in the 120s.

'I'm gonna go get TK okay kid?' Owen whispered in his son-in-laws ear. He left Carlos momentarily, despite his shaky breathing, to get TK. He knew Carlos needed him, he realised the reason he came over was to get TK's help, not his.

'Hey TK come here for a second' Owen told him, leading him over to where Carlos was sitting.
'Babe! Are you okay what happened'
'I'm fine TK' Carlos said quietly, not meeting his eyes
'Hey Carlos look at me, is this another one of your panic attacks'
Carlos nodded, still not looking at his husband.
'Okay,um, alright put you hands on your head and take deep breaths' TK said, unsure whether Carlos was even listening or even in the same universe as him at that moment. Carlos, however, complied and did as TK said.
'Alright now just focus on your senses, what can you see, what you can hear, what you can smell and just keep on taking deep breaths'
Carlos stayed silent, but his breathing was getting better and TK could see his hands were shaking less.
'That's it babe, your doing great' TK said softly, still concerned about his husband.

After a while, Carlos had calmed down enough to return back to work. Luckily the end of his lunch break was approaching so none of his co-workers would even know anything would happened.
'Carlos, babe'
'I'm fine TK I need to get back to the station'
'You should talk to someone about this, do you know why it keeps happening?'
'I don't know. The stress of the job and all the paperwork piling up on my desk just gets me nervous. I'll see you after shift okay.'
'Call me if you need anything, I'll be there in less than 5 minutes'
'I will but I'm fine I promise you TK'

Carlos wasn't fine. At least he didn't feel fine. He felt like everyone at the police station was better than him, he felt like he was stupid for having panic attacks and getting nervous over little things.

As he walked back into the station, his boss pulled him to the side and into his office.
'Am I in trouble did I do something wrong' Carlos asked, feeling like he was back in the headteachers office at school.
'No not at all Carlos your one of the best cops here'
'Oh...uh..thanks'
'What I actually wanted to talk to you about is what happened earlier'
I don't know what your talking about, what happened earlier?'
'You stormed out of here and you seemed pretty shaken up. I just wanted to see how you were.'
'I'm fine'
'Are you sure'
'Yeah'
'Carlos I want to do whatever I can to support you'
He looked down and started messing with his uniform
'It's okay, I'm fine'
'Okay, go on get back to work'
'Thanks'

It would be a while until he could really say he was fine, but knowing that he could come home to his husband and lay in his arms all night was comforting enough