The Mating School

Chapter 40

"Try harder Lily," said Ryan.

I am trying! Lily wanted to shout. But .. it wouldn't help. And there wasn't time. Not really. Things had gotten ..stressful, and she couldn't entirely know what would come, or when, but she did know that she has today. Now. And that was incredibly important.

"There's space. I can feel it in my fingertips," she said. Her arms reached around her seeing what her blindfolded eyes could not. There was a chill in the air but .. it made her feel alive. A sense of excitement.. novelty.

"I hear the leaves," she said. "They're cold also. They sound disgruntled as they indecisively sweep one way and then the other in the movement of the air. and in this.. feeling this there's a sense of oneness. As if the cold wind is more like a fabric or blanket that connects all things."

"What else?" said Ryan. 

"The sound of it. The sound of the last of autumn changing into winter. A bird sings about it behind us, fifty yards to our right. And another is singing a different rhythm ahead of us and more to the left. And yet... they're not talking to each other. They hear only the frequency they are focused on. Same as the deer in the clearing. It nearly drags its hooves.. uncertain about its first winter. But there is something more," she said turning towards where she could hear Ryan walking closer to her. "It's the feeling that a moment can last an eternity. It's empowering. But what am I meant to do?"

"Feel that moment," said Ryan. He was so close now that he needed only a whisper. "Ground yourself in it. Any magic you desire to cast must be rooted in this reality. This understanding is what's most important."

"I can control magic this way?"

"I--" Ryan sounded uncertain for the first time. "If there is a way, it is using this fundament awareness. When we are awake to the moment. Awake to the fundamental reality we find ourselves in. When we can sense this world we are in, and feel our innate power."

"How do I learn how to hold onto it?" said Lily, pulling the soft blindfold down to look at Ryan.

"Practice. Just practice," said Ryan. "Whenever you feel the breeze stroke your hand, or hear the call of an animal or the sway of leaves.. whenever you can be reminded of this you can practice and create a habit of reminding yourself of who you are as a Lycan."

They sat for a time in the quiet then. Not in the courtyard, but outside the castle. It was different here. Wild, and still. Lily glanced at Ryan. She couldn't help it. It's as if ..she understood him. Truly understood him for the first time. She felt.. attraction. They were the same. Different beings that others may never fully understand.

And yet, he wasn't her mate. She shouldn't be feeling this surely. Particularly not in the current situation. It was strange too because she hadn't wanted a mate. So much had changed for her in the last year. She thought back to her life in her pack. She thought of the days before she'd left when Jessica attacked her, and how she hadn't been able to defend herself. How she'd felt in that situation.

She thought about her orphaned family. She'd talked to them more recently but ... were they ok? Stuck in a situation that they could only hope to age out of and then... and then how different would their lives be really? Life as a pack member. A bigger living space, and a new job, and yet... was that freedom?

And what about her? Her and her situation... could she be free here? She didn't want to get involved in politics but ..what choice did she have now? If she didn't take a stand they would only work to gain more control of her mind than they have already. She'd be stuck in just the same way as she was when she was an orphaned servant. She'd be stuck in the same way that Ryan was. Too far along the path of obedience and mind control to turn back. And yet.. what choice did he have? The first Lycan.. he couldn't have hoped to survive it alone.

She turned back into the symphony of sensations around her. The white noise of the creak, the crisp cold on her skin, the golden melody of a finch interspersed with the questioning call of a bluejay.

A golden eagle soared overhead. She felt like she could hear the sound of the wind beneath the wings. She felt so alive it was as if she was the eagle. Soaring as if ... as if that's all there was. Nothing but to fly and be free, and revel in the feeling of being alive. 

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