Fat Girls

00:13

"How'd you get to be so confident?" I asked Mrs. Legian, while she rushed from class to class to hand out memo's. 

"Um, it was a sort of fake it til you make it kind of thing with me." Mrs. Legian laughed slightly to herself. "Some days were easier than others, but I just kept in mind that one day I was going to be happy with myself. That was all I focused on, because it was all that mattered." 

It's been weeks since I willingly walked into Mrs. Legian's office I had been going to see her everyday. Right now we were racing to each and every classroom to hand out Thanksgiving break letters. 

"I'm kind of scared." I told her. 

"About what?" She asked concerned. 

"Thanksgiving. I have a really big family and they all compare me to Delilah." I told her. Thanksgiving and Christmas had never been my favorite holiday's, because of the large amount of people coming in and out of our house. I always did my best to avoid my family members, but in the end I always came out wounded by their sly remarks. 

"Oh sweat heart, listen. When I was younger around holiday times like this I always wore big sweaters and over sized pants around my family, because of the cruel things they would say. Even though I'm part Korean, my mother decided to live by my father's traditions, who is black. They invited everyone they knew to stay at our house during the holiday's so it was like one big party 24/7. I wouldn't leave my room to eat or hang around, instead I stayed up stairs holed up in my room listening to everyone else have fun. I was miserable. Don't be like me Etna. Whatever your family has to say, just ignore it or tell them that it hurt your feelings. Don't be afraid of the holidays." Mrs. Legian spoke wisely about her past experiences. 

I smiled in response a lot more motivated. Fake it until you make it. My mantra when I first started out trying to get confident. It made it's way full circle and back to me. I was going to come out a winner this time. 

By the end of the school day everyone was buzzing in excitement to get released for Fall Break. (That's what they called it.) Even I was bouncing my toes as the clock ticked down to the last few seconds, until release. It was a weird feeling to be happy. 

"Etna!" I could hear Kasen shout as soon as I was released from class. Kasen and I have also gotten a little closer. I let him tell me stories about himself, while I pretend to ignore him. It isn't all that bad either.  I make small talk, which he easily turns into serious full on friendly conversations. It's nicer this way. 

"Hey Kasen." I greeted him with a smile. He smiles back and leans against me as we walk. 

"My family is having a Pre-Thanksgiving party. Do you wanna come?" Kasen asked flashing me a award winning smile. I looked at him and burst out laughing. 

"I am never going to a party with you ever again. You got that bud?" I said jokingly, but with a serious hint in my voice. Kasen raised both his arms in mock surrender, while laughing. 

"Seriously though are we going to hang out this week or are you going to leave me all alone." Kasen said with a pout. A few guys called his name, which he responded by waving back. They tried to coax him over and I shrugged my shoulders. 

"It looks like your covered in the lonely department." I told him truthfully. 

"Are you jealous?" Kasen asked with a laugh. I looked up at him with a shocked expression. 

"Jealous of what exactly?" I asked while trying not to smile. 

"That I have friends to hang out with other than you?" Kasen said casually. I couldn't hold it in any longer and burst out laughing.