Into The Wild Blue

Beauty in the Struggle

It'll be fine by dusk light I'm telling you, baby

These things eat at your bones and drive your young mind crazy

But when you place your head between my collar and jaw

I don't know much but there's no weight at all

And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't

'Cause if I say I miss you I know that you won't

Where the hell am I supposed to go?
I poisoned myself again

______________________________

Big Pine Lake, New Jersey
4 Days Before Austin's Surgery

"I don't like that Renegade isn't gonna be here,"

Austin was sitting in front of the fire with his leg up, massaging its swollen flesh.

"Sweetheart, they have to have their honeymoon. You know that, plus - Loretta is gonna be here in a few days to take care of the boys with your father,"

Austin exhaled, cupping his knee with a painful hiss.

"Is it bad today, baby?"

Austin nodded, cheeks sinking

"Really wanted to have some great sex before I can't move for a while," he commented

You sat on the arm of the chair and felt his hand pull you closer.

"My love," you whispered

"I can't sit on your lap today, you're in too much pain,"

Austin tilted his head back and looked at you through his hair.

"I miss you,"

Your fingers brushed his long hair back, trailing down to hold his jaw.

"I miss you, too, Cowboy,"

He winked at you, trying to keep some semblance of humor through his pain.

"But oh, I got a surprise for you for after your surgery"

Austin grinned up at you

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes,"

"Stay here," you kissed his jaw and went outside to get his wrapped gift from the garage.

When you came back in and Austin saw it, he pulled his eyebrows together in a mixture of defensiveness and curiosity.

"Don't give me that face until you've seen it,"

You had wrapped it as best you could, but for what it was - you could definitely tell by its shape.

Austin took it from you with the same look on his face, long fingers tearing down the paper to expose the black, sleek rod of a cane.

"Think if we attach this to the wall you could pole dance for me, instead?"

You smacked him lightly and pulled the paper off the handle to reveal a silver brocade design over the curved arch.

"See the shaft has been altered," you pointed to the rod

He smirked into his hand

"Shaft,"

"Shut up,"

"Baby, it's been altered because you're a giant,"

"Yeah, I am," he winked again

"Wanna give you my shaft,"

You sighed with a shake of your head, crouching to take his face into your hands