In Waves | ✔️

46 | behind the curtain

On the way up to my room, I take a detour to the kitchen and grab an ice pack from the freezer. Matt should be on the roof by now. I couldn't risk him coming through the front door, and all I'm hoping is that he hasn't tried to open Rob's bedroom window instead of mine. Rob could have come home when I was at the park, and if he caught Matt sneaking in then he'd have him in a headlock in the blink of an eye.

I quietly close my door and turn the key. I don't think I've locked my room before. I've never needed to. I guess that's an upside to being a goody-goody - that if anyone tried to get in and couldn't, they'd assume it was a mistake.

Because Lia would never sneak her boyfriend into her room, would she?

I open the window for Matt and he climbs through, his eyes wandering over my room. I'm already scrambling to tidy up, apologizing for the mess. It's surreal having him in here.

If I had known this was going to happen then I would have been preparing for hours. And in my oversized pajama shirt, the sweatpants I pulled on and the ponytail I scraped up to meet him, I look like a wreck. Matt slips off his jacket, draping it over my desk chair before he sits on the edge of my bed.

He tugs my sleeve as I pass. "You don't have to clean for me. It's the middle of the night, it's not like you were expecting company."

"I know, but I swear it's not usually this bad. With all the homecoming stuff this week, things have been getting ahead of me—"

"It's fine, Lee. I couldn't care less." He attempts a smile, instantly grimacing from the facial movement.

I fetch the ice pack and lightly hold it to the bruise under his eye. "This should help with swelling."

Matt settles, moving his legs for me to stand between them. "You're a life saver."

"If anyone's a life saver then it's this ice pack. Don't give me any credit."

He chuckles. "True, but you get the credit for letting me crash here. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"If I wasn't here then all you'd do is sleep in your car. But if he's done this before, you're the one who gets through it stronger every time. No one else can get that credit, Matt."

He stares up at me, his face speckled with shadows and moonlight. "I think... I love you."

My hand freezes on the ice pack, paralysis shooting to the rest of my body.

"That's a lie," he says. "I know I do. I've felt it for a while, but it's like it just hit me. I love you, Lia."

I can't breathe, or speak, or think, or anything. My mouth is a desert.

Matt covers his hand over mine, lowering the ice pack. "It's okay if you can't say it back. I don't want you to say it if you don't feel it yet."

"Neither do I. For you, I mean. Don't say it if you don't feel it."

"But I do."

"Or you're just hurting because of your dad, and I'm here for you, and you think you feel it."

"That's not what's happening. Why is it so hard to accept that I just love you?"

I draw in a breath, sitting next to him. "Because people change their minds about love. You could feel it now and wake up in the morning feeling totally different. You could walk away, just like that."

"Change my mind? Are you for real? I'm not doing that, and I'm not walking away."

"You don't know that. You can't know if you'll change your mind." I clasp my hands together in my lap to stop them shaking. "It doesn't work that way."

"Who says?" Matt takes my hand in both of his, pulling my gaze to him. "This is the way it works: I've fallen in love with you, Lia. I know that I've never felt like this before you, and I know I don't want to lose you. And I hope you'll eventually feel the same—"

"There's no 'eventually', Matt. I'm already there."

"You are?"

In actuality, I've been there since sixth grade. But it's different now. It's real and reciprocated.

"Yes. I love you, too." Saying it out loud makes me feel like I'm free falling through the sky in his eyes. On, and on, and on. Waiting for the crash. I weave my fingers through his. My hands aren't shaking anymore. "Promise you'll still love me in the morning."

He smiles softly, and I can tell it hurts his cheek but he pushes through. "I promise. And every morning after."

I've never been so simultaneously happy and afraid in my life. When I fall asleep in his arms, it's as if my chest has been cut open. My heart exposed for him to look at and touch. I've wanted love for as long as I can remember, and now that I have it, it feels so delicate. So out of my control.

If he shows me love, it could be the deepest warmth I've ever known. If he hurts me, it could destroy me. But I knew this in the beginning. The risks of flying high and nosediving into pitfalls is worth being in love.

And when we're at homecoming, those thoughts echo throughout the night. When I use concealer on his bruises and watch his emotions conceal with them. When we're crowned as school royalty, and he gives them his best Matty Benson energy and rakes in the glory on stage. A shining spotlight, a shining smile.

I should be satisfied with matching his perfection I've been so desperate to prove, all glammed up in my sparkly princess crown. But Matt has never been perfect. It's all a façade. A curtain he's lifted for me. I only get a glimpse behind it once in the night, when we're slow dancing surrounded by adoring faces. Matt's smile weakens, and he hugs me tight like he did in the park.

Everyone must think the way he holds me is sweet, not suspecting any pain in it at all. Why would they? I'm his girlfriend, and I never suspected anything myself. He hides pain and pressure behind wealth and popularity like it's second nature. It's laughable that his dad berates him over a lack of talent when Matt is the most talented athlete in the school.

And the talent he has in hiding his imperfect life - it's the most perfect performance in the world.

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