Love's Bite | Astarion x Tav Fanfic

Bhaal

My eyes shot open. I had no idea where I was. The floor I lay on was hard, and cold. It was made of stone. As I examined my surroundings, I realised I was laying in front of some sort of alter. Panic began to fill my mind. Where was Astarion?
"You have disobeyed your father's wishes one too many times," I stood up searching for the source of that voice.
"For he who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself becomes a monster," as those words were spoken, a red light blinded me.
My eyes followed the source. A stone face overlooked the platform I was standing on. It's eyes shone red.
"When you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes into you. "
I felt a prescence in the room behind me. I turned, there lay Orin, on the alter, caressing a blade.
"Another will embrace what you have rejected. And that other will be your death."
Orin stood up, pointing her blade at me. She wasn't speaking. The voice was male. I realised where I knew it from. It was that little fiend that haunted me, instructing me to kill. I searched for Sceleritas, but he remained elusive.
"But your father loves you dearly. You may reinherit yourself yet," as the voice finished, Orin transformed into a horrifc creature.
I jumped back. She grew tusks and had razor sharp spikes along her spine.
"Slaughter your line. Become the last of your name."
Orin drew closer, her tusks threatening to penetrate my throat.
"Lord Bhaal shall have but one chosen."
Orin roared and everything went black.

"Tav," Astarion shook me awake.
I shot up.
"What happened?" he asked.
I glanced around me, "I...-"
It must've been a dream. I dropped my face into my hands and began to sob. What hope was there for me to go up against a god? Even more, my father. That word rung in my mind.
"My father...?" I whispered.
"Huh?" Astarion said, confused.
I felt disgusting. My blood carried death, and murder. An itch grew in my arm, and began to scratch it. The harder I cried, the harder I clawed at my skin. Praying damage would be done. That it would somehow replace my mental pain with the physical.
"Tav, stop it!" Astarion grabbed my arms.
I attempted to pull out of his grip.
My mind began to flood with memories, thousands of victims. Years spent worshipping Bhaal, as a leader, who led by example through slaughter. I was their master, and he was mine. My father. I was a Bhaal spawn, his heir, his scion.
I struggled against Astarion's grip as I felt my blood burn within me. I was evil.
"Let go!" I said.
Astarion pulled me into a hug, not allowing me to move. No matter how hard I kicked and screamed, he didn't let go.
Eventually, I calmed down as much as I could given the circumstances. Astarion released me then signed.
"What happened? You just started thrashing in your sleep."
I avoided eye contact, what would he think of me?
Astarion took hold of my arm, turning it around, "look what you did to yourself."
I glanced down. Scratches ran up my forearm. Part of me wished I had used a sharp object. It wasn't tens, or even hundreds, but thousands of victims that I had sacrificed in the name of Bhaal. I jumped up and ran to the edge of camp. There I proceeded to empty my stomach. How would I live with this? Knowing what I had done.

I heard footsteps approach.
"Tav, I can't help you if you don't tell me what happened," Astarion said.
"I....- I saw my father," I said.
"Your father?"
"Not him exactly, but his image...... Please don't hate me."
"Why would I hate you?"
I hesitated for a moment, "my father is Bhaal. I'm a Bhaal spawn."
Astarion remained quiet, seemingly thinking.
"You hate me," I could feel myself about to throw up again.
"No, I don't. I just thought your kind were extinct," he said.
"You're disgusted by me. Surely you realise what this means. I've killed thousands of people in his name, whether directly or indirectly."
"What do you mean indirectly?" He asked.
"I was their leader. The Bhaal cultists. It explains everything. The urges. Why I had barely any memories. Why I'd never been with anyone. I dedicated my life to fulfilling my fathers cause. I remember everything. The screams I caused, the bloodshed. I don't deserve to exist."
I held my stomach, urging whatever remained to stay down. I wanted to keep whatever dignity I had left.
"You know, I didn't realise you and I were so alike. I felt paralysed to do anything about Cazador for decades. I just about killed thousands of people by delivering them to him. I gave up on myself. Gave up on any hope after the first few lashes. I don't know how you can beat him, but I do know this, you must try. You've already beaten the odds so many times."
"But how can I ever forgive myself for what I did?"
"You don't have to. But you do need to learn to live with yourself. You will hate who you are. But just know that you have proven yourself to everyone in this camp, and especially me, that you are an incredible person. You didn't give into the urge once."
I nodded as I listened. Mind still racing. In that moment, I felt like I was dying. As if even death could not be worse than learning this.
Astarion watched as my thoughts drifted, "how can I help you?"
"Just hold me, please," I said.
He nodded, and swept me up in his arms. I didn't know what to feel. Part of me wished Odin had finished the job in my dream. But then a thought occurred to me. If I were to meet my end, the cult would continue, and there would be more bloodshed. I knew it was the only way I could make up for my sins.

-----

The next day I woke up in Astarion's arms. I couldn't remember when I fell asleep, but we had appeared to have slept in. It looked as if it was almost lunch time.
"Why didn't you wake me?" I nudged him.
He stirred, "because you kept me up half the night, and I need my beauty sleep."
"Please, you were just laying there pretending to sleep. The others are being far too loud for you," I said.
I lay back down on the bedroll and stared up at the sky. It was a clear sunny day. My eyes were heavy, and my mind ached. I had to put an end to Orin and these cultists.
Astarion lay beside me, "what's going on in that head of yours?"
"Just planning," I said.
"You know, I was alive the last time your kind were around. It was carnage. People are probably more afraid of your kind than they are mine," he said.
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" I frowned.
"No, I just want you to know that what we were told about them is not the person I see in front of me. Well, you did almost kill me once. But regardless, the point still stands."
I laughed, "I did do that, didn't I?"
"And you looked adorable doing so."
I took his hand and squeezed it, "thank you."
"I love you. Now, please don't do this to yourself again," he said, grabbing my arm and showing me my own stupidity.
"No, it won't fix anything, will it? The only way I can make up for even a fraction of it is by defeating Orin, and killing the cult."
"And I'll be with you all the way," Astarion said.
I gazed into his eyes. He saw so much in me. Part of me wondered why. But I already knew the answer. I was his everything, and the one thing worth fighting for after Cazador left him with nothing. I had to survive my demons for his sake as well as ridding the world of this cult.