Ambivalence

His Smile

Aaradhya's POV

In the midst of my dream, I felt a growing sense of suffocation, and my body went numb. I had the unsettling feeling of being bound, trapped in a dark and disorienting space. Panic began to well up within me, and I desperately sought an escape. I ran, my heart pounding, my breath coming in short gasps, searching for a way out of the overwhelming darkness.

And then, there it was—a glimmer of hope. I saw the first rays of the sun as it began to rise, casting a warm and gentle light that cut through the shadows. Along with that light came a soothing, male voice, a calming presence that enveloped me in a comforting embrace. Suddenly, I felt a deep sense of peace, as if I were shielded and protected from all my fears and anxieties.

I woke up, sensing something warm and hard beneath my cheek. Groggily, I opened my eyes to find my hands wrapped around what I initially thought was a pillow. The warmth and comfort were so enticing that I snuggled closer, only to hear a soft grumble. My eyes shot open in realization, and I found myself entangled with Rana Sa, who was still fast asleep.

I pulled back slightly, trying not to disturb him. While I had been clinging to him like a koala bear, he lay motionless, with one arm stretched away and the other on his right side. The aching sensation I felt was undeniable, likely because I was being careful not to let him touch me. A part of me wanted to savor the moment a little longer, but another part screamed at me not to succumb to these emotions just yet.

I had the urge to reach out and brush the stray strands of hair away from his forehead, to trace those beautiful eyes, his nose, his cheeks, his sharp jawline, and his lips. Pushing those feelings aside, I quickly moved away and slipped out of bed to get ready. We were planning to visit an old temple near the Shivnath Ghat today, as Dadi Sa had requested the whole family to go. I chose a maroon chiffon saree and matched it with the earrings Dadi Sa had gifted me for the paheli Rasoi.

As I applied perfume and was all set to go, I noticed that Rana Sa was still asleep. I wasn't in the mood for another round of taunts about my ignorance regarding my husband's whereabouts, so I approached him.

"Rana Sa, uthiye," I said, but he didn't stir.

(Rana Sa, wake up,)

Once more, I called to him, "Rana Sa, uthiye, hume mandir jana hai."

(Rana Sa, wake up, we have to leave for temple.)

But he remained still. Frustration crept in, and I mumbled, "Sote rahiye, mai ja rahi hun." Just as I was about to leave, he tugged my wrist, pulling me back to sit on the bed. I stared back at him, and a realization dawned upon me: he had been pretending to sleep this whole time.

(Keep sleeping, I am leaving.)

"Aap jag rahe the," I asked in confusion. His intense gaze, fixated on my face, made me feel nervous and self-conscious.

(You were awake)

"Uth gaye hain, toh taiyar ho jaiye," I told him, attempting to move away, but he pulled me closer, making my breath catch in my throat.

(If you ar up, hen go get ready,)

"Ek Raja ki neend kabhi pakki nahi hoti, Rani Sa," he responded, and I felt even more embarrassed at the thought of having clung to him in my sleep.

(A king never sleeps, Rani Sa)

"Matlab aapko pata tha ki main—" I cut myself off before revealing that I had been sleeping on him.

(That means you knew-)

"Ki aap?" He raised an eyebrow.

(That you?)