Maisie 'Baby' Bronze

37. Keep going

Arriving home with the babies was another nugget of excitement. Mum and Keira stayed over in the hospital that night, with myself and all the grandparents heading home in the evening but then return promptly in the morning. I'd had plenty of cuddles with both Archie and Oliver, savouring every moment with them on their first day alive. They both looked like carbon copies of one another, each having the same dark brown hair that me and mum shared. I guess it was only one red head in the house still. 

I sit on the carpet in front of the TV, each baby lying peacefully on the cot mattress we'd placed downstairs, bundled up together in blankets. My hand lay next to them, my finger running up and down Oliver's chest as I watch it rise and fall. The Tv played quietly in the background however my attention was firmly on my brothers. Keira was upstairs, fast asleep, catching up on the most likely restless night, while mum lay on the sofa above me, not quite giving in to defeat by going upstairs to bed but nearly there. 

In the corner of the room, our Christmas tree stood, the tree covered in random ornaments we'd acquired from around the world and handmade ones I'd made when I was younger. It certainly wasn't the most aesthetic Christmas tree, but it did hold a lot of memories on it, with room for new ones to be added, I thought as I looked down at the sleeping faces. And that was the truth, the two new lives in my life were going to cause a fair bit of change and difference. The childhoods that Archie and Oliver that they will grow up to have will most definitely be a hell of a lot different to mine. I was born to an innocent 16 year old mum who was only just taking her first steps into her future and career while these two were born to a 31 year old. The difference in stability and plans were quite clear, even on day 2, and I'm sure they'd show themselves more as Archie and Oliver grew up, but that's not to mean I'd go back and change my childhood. I'd loved every moment of it and wouldn't change it for the world. 

Lucy's POV- 

Let's just say, the birth of my beautiful boy's was a complete shock to my expectations. As a 16 year old, Maisie's birth was, now I look back on it, traumatising. I hadn't known what to expect, I wasn't prepared and I was quite frankly dropped in the deep end, and then held under. However, now, as I lay on the sofa watching my own 16 year old interact with my babies, I can't help but relive the moments that happened in 2007. Everything was potentially avoidable of course, if I had been a bit more mature for my age maybe I could of made better choices. But then, right now, the choices I made had righted themselves, I was happy now, and I loved Maisie with all my heart. 

August 2007

"No no, I cant do it mum" I cried into her arms, my body shaking as she rubbed my back. 

"It's going to be ok, it's all going to be ok" She soothed me as I continued to cry. 

"It won't, I can't, it's too much" 

"It's not, you'll be ok, let's take it step by step" 

September 2007

"Now hold her there, and sway side to side" Mum directs me, as she moves my hand to Maisie's back, "Now pat her there, not too hard, but not too soft"

"Like this?" 

"Yeah, keep going" Mum says, over the cries. 

"It's not working"

"Yes it is, keep going"

"It's not, I'm rubbish at this" I scrunch my face up as Maisie's cries continue.

"You're not, she's just being stubborn, like you"

"I'm terrible at this, you do it" I try pass Maisie to mum but she refuses.

"No Lucy, you need to do this yourself, sit down and do it and she will calm down. I'm going to the shops now" And before I can argue, she's walked out, and I'm left with a screaming Maisie.