I was Once, Not anymore.

Chapter 3

AN: No one likes the story so far? Why?

He stood just shy of the curtains; tall, silent, and invisible to the slowly growing crowd on the other side while he anxiously waited for his cue. He struggled with his nerves as he stood there, the unease welling and blooming as he waited for his music to start. He would've thought—no, he would've hoped that he would have outgrown the stage fright by now. After all, he had been doing this for the past three years.

Despite his bouts of performance anxiety before taking the stage, dancing was second nature to him and, more often than not, simply the means to get what he wanted out of the men and women who came in to see him. The show was just that, a show. A teaser of something more that could be purchased...if the price was right.

It wasn't widely known, not knowledge made public, and not advertised, but Table Top wasn't your average strip club. It was a guise, a façade that few people were privileged enough to see behind and fewer still had the money to buy. The shows were always free, but tickets could be bought to open the door to the carnal side of the club.

And the carnal side was what Table Top was quietly known for.

If you liked a dancer, you bought their ticket and that ticket was your guarantee of an hour of their time—an hour of no-holds-barred pleasure. And that was what he wanted from his clients. They could keep their tips, their gifts, and their dirty fantasies if only they bought his ticket.

The music kicked to a sudden, unexpected start and the sound startled him. He could hear the announcer begin his introduction over the slow, hypnotic beat of the song as he silently counted down the seconds until his performance began. Ten, nine, eight. He closed his eyes and let the music rhythm take him away. Seven, six, five. It helped to calm his nerves; now he was alive with excitement and not fear as the seconds ticked away, one by one. Four, three, two...

...One.

"And, finally, it's my glorious pleasure to present to you, for your viewing pleasure, the man of the hour—whose ass is so unforgettable that I guarantee you'll be dreaming about it for years to come—Weir!"

His eyes snapped open at the sound of his stage name and just like that, Kongpob ceased to exist. He released a breath he hadn't realized he was holding and his nerves seemed to melt away with the first few lyrics of the song he performed: 

"You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you."

He could do this—Weir could make this happen and Kongpob was willing to allow it. He sighed deeply, steeling his resolve before he stepped from the shadows and onto the brightly lit stage. The spotlight blinded Kongpob and he could feel dozens of eyes on him as he let the music move him as though his body was caught in a trance.
And maybe it was.

Kongpob twisted, swayed, and turned with the beat of the song. The melody guided his movements as he ran his hands along his body, his fingers skimming the plain white cotton of his dress shirt before slipping underneath the garment to tease himself. The crowd loved it. He could hear their hoots and hollers, and sometimes he thought he could hear their fantasies.

"You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you." 

The lyrics of the song had always left him feeling dirty, sexy, and aroused. That was why he chose this particular song. Every word pushed him further away from who he was and closer to who he wanted to be. 

"Help me I broke apart my insides, help me I've got no soul to sell."

He took the buttons one at a time, unbuttoning them with a mastered precision that revealed his skin bit by agonizing bit. He was teasing them, he loved teasing them, it was what he was meant to do—tease them and make them pay for the rest if they so desired it. 

"Help me the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself." {reminds me of Psing tattoo}

The shirt hung off his frame, clinging to his lithe shoulders as Kongpob caressed his bare chest. He closed his eyes, but he did that sometimes. He liked to lose himself. He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and thumbed his nipples. The nubs of skin hardened into firm little peaks beneath the pads of his fingers and then he was off again, his hands skating across his body before he allowed the shirt to fall to the stage.

He opened his eyes to catch the chorus, his eyes locked with a chocolate brown gaze that seemed familiar to him as he mouthed the next line of the song: 

"I want to fuck you like an animal."

It was his crowning achievement, quite easily the very best part of his act as he swung his hips and slid his hands down his sides. 

"I want to feel you from the inside."

Brown eyes widened in shock and something Kongpob's never seen before flashed across that gaze, but it was gone as quickly as it appeared. 

"I want to fuck you like an animal."

 There was something about that man, something about him that haunted Kongpob. Something that stuck to him like glue, refusing to leave him alone. It wasn't something Weir thought about, but it was something that wouldn't leave Kongpob alone. 

"You get me closer to God."

It rose within him, the recognition. It was slow going at first, but then it hit him. It felt like someone knocked the air out of his lungs and left him gasping for breath and a little sense. Kongpob knew those eyes. His heart clenched and a panic gripped him. Those eyes had plagued his mind, his thoughts, his dreams since high school.

That man and those gorgeous brown eyes had been his constant companion for as long as he could remember. Kongpob grasped for straws as he slowed on the stage, his movements awkward and unsure as though he wasn't quite sure what to do with himself as a name floated to the top of his mind.

A name that was both so simple and so harsh. The name of the man responsible for the downward spiral that Kongpob's life became, but it was also the name of a man he still dreamed about. The name of the man Kongpob still wanted. It was Arthit—Arthit Rojnapat and it was like a page from his past had invaded his present and was threatening his future.