Café Rouge

Chapter 10: Self-Deception

Chapter 10

The next few days, Lola can't stand it. He's back to being his usual cold, cut off self and after the day they had Sunday, she'd found some part of her more open to the prospect of welcoming in as a friend. Of course, she'd repressed the whole orgasm episode, deciding that it was a mistake made in the heat of the moment. But excluding that, she can try see Carlos as a friend. Or somewhat of a friend. And that in itself disturbs her. Because who could be friends with such a monster. Only...The more she analyses her short stay so far with Carlos Castellano the more she finds herself doubting her preconceived notions about him. Yes he has said he kills. And yes, he has made many a horrible remarks and threats towards her. Yet...She has not witnessed him do any of these actions. Does that make her niave? Or is she simply choosing to be blissfully ignorant?

Or....

Or is the persona he presents just a front?

But then again, maybe it's those silly romance novels floating around nowadays where the 'bad boys' aren't actually that bad. Or rather the heroine is attracted to them despite their obnoxious, arrogant, possessive nature. She'd hate to think of herself like that. And Carlos certainly does project all those said attributes.

But then why does she feel that's not really him?

All she knows is though, that she just can't take one step forward and two backwards with him. Not anymore. That's not a dance she's willing to participate in and that night, that day-they crossed that line. She crossed that metaphorical line in accepting him. Maybe not fully, but she accepts her fate now. The reality of living with Carlos has finally set in and she has finally come to grips with the fact she's going to be here an indefinite amount of time.

So this tip-toeing thing they have going on is just not going to work for her. Her mind still reels with anger and distress at her situation and at the man Carlos is; so she finally decides, for peace of mind, she needs to live in a state of blissful ignorance, imaging Carlos as a roommate rather than her captor.

She needs that. Because hating him, ignoring him is far too exhausting. And after her long shifts at work, she just doesn't have the energy to focus on and analyse his hot and cold attitude towards her.

That Friday, she prepares to confront him, bully him into allowing her to indulge in her tinted vision of him and their status.

"When will dinner be ready?" he asks, gazing around at kitchen after his regular shower.

"Dinner will be a while. I want to talk to you first," she states steadily, signalling him to take a seat while she mirrors the action.

"What is there to talk about?" he asks icily.

Lola simply shakes her head, "I can't do it anymore Carlos. I'm-I'm loosing my mind.....Look, can we just-can we just...pretend we're roommates or something? I need you to be more consistent with me. Hate me or like me. Just pick one!"

Normally if someone treated her like that, she would just leave him or her. However that is clearly not an option with Carlos.

Carlos takes a moment to analyse the situation before calculatedly stating, "I neither hate or like you, Lola. You are a liability to me but a burden I must carry."

She ignores the sting from those words before snorting in disbelief, "see I don't think so. I think you do somewhere in there like me. I think you do want to be friends."