Losing Control Over You

Get You The Moon

It's been about a month since the wedding. We have gotten into a routine. He goes to work from 6-5:30. Then he comes home, we have dinner, and spend the rest of the night together before bed. We usually watch a movie or play a game together. Throughout the day, I read, paint, clean, do laundry, and cook dinner. His mom comes over a lot and spends time with me. She also likes to paint, so that's usually what we do together.

I wake up and feel a rush of sadness come over me. I roll over, and the bed is empty. I look at my phone and it is 4:00 in the morning.

"Baby?" I call out, but there is no answer.

I get up a little creeped out and peek into the hall.

"Layton?" I say louder. Still no answer.

Even more creeped out and now worried. I call his phone. No answer.

I made my way downstairs, and he wasn't there. I hear a banging sound in the basement.

"Layton?" I say. The sound stops for a second, then continues. The sad feeling washes over me again, but this time stronger.

I walk down the stairs, and I see him standing in front of his punching bag. He had headphones on, and he was punching it like crazy. I felt anger and sadness radiating off of him.

He sees me and pulls off the headphones and looks at me, not saying anything.

"What's wrong?" I say, stepping closer to him.

"Nothing. I'm fine." He says, looking back at the punching bag.

"Okay." I say, not wanting to pressure him because something was definitely off with him. He puts his headphones back on and continues punching it. I go back upstairs and lay back down. I wasn't able to fall back asleep because the feeling of sadness and anger filled the house.

About an hour later, he comes upstairs getting straight into the shower, not saying anything to me. He comes out a little later in just a towel. He goes to our closet and gets dressed. He comes over and places a kiss on my lips.

"I'll see you later." He says, leaving. That shocked me and kind of hurt. He usually talks with me for a minute. Did I do something to upset him? I think to myself.

I spent all day feeling his emotions. One second, it was anger, then sadness, then anger, then sadness. It was a rough day.

I couldn't think of what could be going on with him, but it was freaking me out. I made dinner and had it ready for 7, which is when he usually gets home.

But he didn't show up. It was 9 before he came home. My dinner stone cold I wouldn't eat without him.

He came in, and I was sitting at the table. He looks at me, lying his keys down.

"Dinners ready." I tell him.

"I'm not hungry." He says, going upstairs, never looking at me.

I sit there, tears pouring down my face. I couldn't help it with him acting like that, and the sadness in the house got to me.

He comes back down and goes straight into the basement.

I clean up the kitchen and head to bed. I lay there for two hours trying to go to sleep, but the sad feeling just kept building.

"Go to him." My wolf says.

"What?" I ask her.

"He needs you. Go to him." She says again.

I get and head down to the basement.

I open the door, and I don't hear anything. I walk down the stairs and see him sitting on a bench, his arms on his legs and his head down.

"Layton?" I say quietly.

He looked up at me, and I could feel the sadness radiating off of him. He had tears in his eyes. He doesn't say anything. I sit next to him, taking his hand into mine.

"Can you tell me what's wrong?" I ask him concerned and worried. He just looks at me, not saying anything. Tears in his eyes.

"Did I do something?" I ask him.

He shakes his head no and looks at me clearing his throat.

"Um... Today is the five year anniversary of the wreck and the day Logan passed." He says tears slipping down his face.

I felt terrible, but I also felt a weight be lifted off my shoulder, finally knowing what's bothering him.

"Baby, I am so sorry. I didn't know." I say, squeezing his hand.

"Are you okay?" I ask him.

"No." He says, pulling away from me and wiping his eyes. "If it wasn't for me, he would still be here."

"Baby, that's not true. You were hit by a drunk driver. You couldn't control that." I say.

"I was speeding though maybe if I wasn't going so fast he would still be alive." He says tears, falling down his face.

"You can't think about the what ifs. It was his time you couldn't control that." I say, trying to comfort him.

He doesn't say anything for a minute, then he stands up, pacing.

"I just can't help but feel like it's my fault." I could feel he was angry at himself. "Every time around this time of year, I get like this, but you've helped me a lot the past few months." He sits back down beside me. "The night before I met you was our birthday, and I found myself at this cliff, and I was about to jump." He pauses, looking at me.

I was so shocked at the words he was telling me.

"Something told me to just wait one more day. And I met you the next day." He says, placing a hand in mine. "You are the only reason I am still here. If I didn't have you, who knows what I would have done by now." He says tears in his eyes.

I place a hand on his face. "It's okay." I say, stroking his face. "Why didn't you tell me?" I ask as he lays his head on mine.

"I didn't want you to think I was weak and that I needed you." He says.

"I hope you always nedd me." I say, kissing his head.

I realize now how seriously his brothers death has affected him. He is so angry with himself and blames himself for what happened. He can't take the fact that he was driving and speeding. He never gave off a sad vibe once to me. I guess the adrenalin and emotion of meeting your mate overpowered it.

He was finally able to sleep, and I made him call into work the next day, and he slept most of the day.