its not a dream

The party

I woke up, disoriented and unaware of the time. Stumbling into the bathroom, I collapsed into the chair, my reflection staring back at me from the mirror.

The evidence of the night before marked my body, with hickey's scattered across my skin like forbidden secrets.

My bloodshot eyes, a testament to the tears shed during my restless run. Desperation filled the air as I clutched the scissors tightly,

my trembling hands hovering inches away from my waist-length hair. Without hesitation,

I severed the strands, watching them fall to the floor, the weight of the past slipping away with each snip.

Yearning for a momentary escape from the overwhelming emptiness,

I reached for the needle, filled with the promise of temporary bliss. As the drugs coursed through my veins, a bittersweet relief washed over me, and I exhaled deeply, the weight of the world momentarily lifted.

This fleeting happiness, however artificial, was all I had to hold onto. In this dark and lonely place, my boyfriend was my solace. even though he's...real? he's real to me.

Glancing at my watch, I realized it was already 4:30am, and the harsh reality of the day ahead crashed down upon me. The thought of school loomed like a heavy burden, but I had no choice but to face it.

Determined to hide my pain, I stepped into the shower, fiercely scrubbing away the remnants of my past. With each stroke of the razor,

I rid myself of any signs of vulnerability, leaving no trace behind.

Emerging from the shower, I meticulously curled my newly shortened hair, transforming it into a vibrant shade of orange, a desperate attempt to reclaim a sense of control.

The red lipstick, bold and defiant, painted a mask of confidence upon my lips. Today, I vowed, I would be happy.

I stepped out of my room, feeling a mix of nerves and excitement coursing through my veins.

Clad in a black low V crop top, I couldn't help but notice how my breasts moved with each step I took. It was something that had always made me feel insecure, but today,

I made a conscious decision to be happy and confident in my own skin.

As I made my way towards the kitchen, the cold air hit against my legs, even through the black fishnet stockings I wore.

My black mini skirt hugged my hips tightly, accentuating my curves. Today was the day I wouldn't give a damn about what people said or thought about me.

I entered the kitchen, feeling a strong urge to retreat back to the safety of my room, where I could hide beneath my baggy clothes.

But today was different. Today, I wanted to challenge myself and break free from the chains of self-doubt.

I picked up my fork and scooped some cereal into my mouth, locking eyes with my mother as I did so.

"On second thought, I want to get my nails done," I said, standing up abruptly. My mother looked shocked, unable to comprehend the sudden change in my demeanor.

Without waiting for a response, I walked out of the house, making my way towards the bus stop.

It wasn't long before Zach caught up with me, his eyes taking in my new appearance, much like the people at the bus stop were doing. "Julie, you look..." he began, struggling to find the right words.

"Hot? Sexy?" I finished his sentence with a smirk. "Thanks, but I have a boyfriend now."

Zach's confusion was evident as he shook his head. "What's this about you having a boyfriend? Did he tell you to dress like this?"