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WARNING: TRIGGER WARNING MENTIONS OF DEPRESSION, SELF HARM, ABUSE, AND SUICIDE!!!!


Dean sighed. He couldn't seem to get Cas to pay attention; the man seemed to be deep in thought. He had been trying to tell Cas that he was really happy that they had decided to stay, and they had met in general. He was going to tell him that he was so glad they were such good friends. But he had hardly been able to get a word out before Castiel drifted off into deep thought, clearly not paying attention to anything he said.

He sighed again. The rest of the meal was eaten in silence, Castiel deep in thought. Dean had no idea what his friend was thinking about; he showed no emotion on his face.

The singer studied the face of the man sitting across from him, taking in all the details and slight "imperfections" that made Cas who he was.

The man he loved.

He had figured it out at the hospital, laying in the hospital bed with Cas on one side of him. He realized that he had-without thinking-placed someone else's safety before his, taking the brunt of the force to protect his best friend who was sitting in the front with him.

He had realized why he was so grateful for Sam and Gabe to keep their distance, no matter if it meant his little brother was in an intimate relationship, which he had always tried to keep him from having. It was because he wanted to spend time with Cas.

He had also realized it after the 10th dream he had of making out with Cas.

As he finished eating-slowly so as to spend more time with Cas-he groaned inwardly at the thought of being in love with Cas. He loved it, loved him, so much, but Castiel could never love him back.

And so he ate. When he had finally finished, Dean stood up and paid for his meal, and Cas for his.

So as to make it less like a date.

The drive back seemed more awkward than usual. Dean noticed the little things that signified Cas was anxious about something. He was silently tapping his fingers on his thighs, he eyes kept flicking to the left, and his calf muscles were tensing and releasing over and over. Man, he had known him for less than a year and he knew everything about his little mannerisms. Dean shook his head at himself. He was obsessed.

As they neared the house, Cas seemed to get more anxious, and also seemed a little nervous. He was still deep in thought, but not as stoic as before. He was staring out at the trees as they passed, which were turning a beautiful golden red. The music was turned down low, so the two sat in near silence. As they turned into the driveway and got to the house, Dean noticed that Cas turned toward him slightly, seeming to want to say something.

But the car stopped, they had arrived at the house, and Castiel seemed to change his mind. Either that, or Dean had been mistaking and was looking too deep into Cas' actions. He could never be sure with his over-imaginative brain. Good for writing songs, bad for trying to read people, especially closed up people. And Cas was definitely a closed book.

They walked into the house, the silence stifling. As Dean opened the door and walked inside, Cas not far behind, his phone began to buzz in his pocket, something that rarely happened.

He answered it as Cas mouthed at him.

I'm gonna go take a shower.

Dean waved at him to go ahead as he held the phone up to his ear. "Hello?"

"Hey Dean! It's Sam!"

"Sammy! How was the concert? You on your way home or are you leaving tomorrow?" Dean replied.

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