The Web I Spin for You ~ Richpez & Rosenwalker

Chapter 43

"Are you busy? Because I need to you psychoanalyze the fuck out of me." Joe asked, running his hands through his hair anxiously.

"I'm not," Lauren told him, sitting down at her desk and propping her phone up. "Why are you all sweaty? Please tell me you're not asking me to psychoanalyze you after a fresh source of post-nut-clarity."

"I wish. I can't even imagine doing that sort of thing right now." He told her, grabbing a towel to wipe down his sweaty chest. "I went for a quick walk after Brian left that turned into a two hour run in jeans and slides around my neighborhood like a fucking sociopath."

"Oh wow," Lauren responded, grabbing a hair tie to put her hair up. "Alright, so you're a shitshow right now. What's going on?"

Joe hesitated, even though the question was threatening to burst out of him. "Am I, do you think that I'm... that I'm a toxic partner to Brian?" He asked, knowing that he needed to not tip toe around the question.

Lauren raised an eyebrow at him. "Toxic how?"

"Exactly how you think. Am I toxic for him like how Zoey was to me?"

"Uh," Lauren started, which didn't fill Joe with a great feeling of initial reassurance. "Joe, where's this coming from?"

Joe scoffed. "Where isn't this coming from? Look at all the shit that he's going through because of me; look at what I'm fucking putting him through. He fucking got the shit beaten out of him—he's gotten the shit beaten out of him multiple times—because he's dating me. In spite of that, he still treats me better than anyone I've ever been with does, meanwhile I do stupid shit like get drunk and start having intrusive thoughts about... I mean, just, I take it out on him—my anger, that is." Joe mumbled, knowing that Lauren was going to circle back to him almost admitting his intrusive thoughts about hurting Brian. "And then to top it off, I still for whatever fucking reason give Zoey the time of day. You'd think I'd have the decency to at least keep her one hundred percent out of my life since Brian and I are together—but no. For whatever reason, I still fucking find myself missing her, and can't fully let her go." He was panting heavily, having gotten nearly everything he'd said out in one breath.

Lauren was quiet for a long time, weighing over everything that Joe had said. "...okay." She finally started. "Um, wow, where to start with all off that. Okay first of all, let's just start with addressing what you absolutely should not be blaming yourself for. Zoey sending jocks to hurt Brian is not your fault. You're not the one beating him up, and you've tried multiple times to defend him and stop it. Can we agree on that? I understand why you blame yourself, but that is something where from my point of view—which I'm assuming you want since you called me with this—is not even up for debate in my mind. That's not your fault, and that situation is out of your control."

'I could've fucked Zoey,' he thought to himself, miserably. 'I could've just bitten the bullet and done it, but I was scared. Scared because of what she'd done to me in the past, scared of cheating on my boyfriend, and scared about the fact that there's a fucked up part of me that wanted to do it.'

"Joe?" Lauren followed up, snapping him out of his trance.

"I, er, what you're saying makes sense. It's hard for me to see it that way, but it does make sense."

"Okay. Good." Lauren stated, running her hands through the top of her hair anxiously. "Glad we got the easy part out of the way."

Joe scoffed. "That was the easy part? What's the hard one?"

Lauren was quiet for awhile, weighing over her words. "Okay, Joe, do you want my honest answer on all of this?"

"Yes," he told her without hesitation, even though he didn't like the way that she'd asked him that. "More than anything. Please, just be honest with me."