WHAT HAPPENED IN NEW YORK WASN'T MY FAULT ~angst~

HOW COULD HE BE SO CRUEL?

LOKI'S PRONOUNCE IN THIS CHAPTER:
He/Him

THOR'S POV:

I heard the alarm from the dungeons.
"Mother, I am Sorry but I have to go.
Do you think you could let me leave the table
before finishing my meal?
I need to check what's going on."
"It's Okay, Thor.
You don't need to act like that. I am not Odin, sweetheart,"
she says with a worried face,
probably because of Loki.

I rush out of the room, down into the dungeons.
I hear people fighting,
and what I saw next shocked me.
Someone helped all the prisoners to escape.
I try to hold them away from going upstairs,
but one tall creature rushes past me and runs up the stairs I just came from.
I don't know what to do. Should I help the guards, or should I try to catch the one who escaped and risk that more of them could escape too?

I looked around for a second,
trying to find my brothers
since I was convinced that he is responsible for this,
but I see him in the only cell that isn't open,
reading a book.
I knew that he usually doesn't care,
but that is another level.
I am just relieved that he isn't responsible for this mess.

But now I needed to find the one who escaped.
I couldn't risk that my mother would get hurt.
While I was running upstairs again,
I realized that I made the wrong decision.
Five prisoners followed me and tried to get past me while I was fighting one of them;
the others continued running upstairs,
and behind them, a horde of prisoners.
I couldn't stop so many people, but I needed to protect Asgard, I needed to protect my mother.
I tried to find her while fighting with some of them.

But I didn't see that someone escaped that should have been kept in the dungeons forever.
He was standing behind me and pointed his hands in my direction so he could shoot me with his powers.

He shot in my direction,
but I didn't feel anything hit me;
I just heard someone falling on the ground.
I turned around, and in this moment,
everything around me disappeared.
I saw my mother laying on the ground.
Dead.

I didn't know what happened,
and in my anger,
I threw the hammer directly into the face of the one who killed my mother,
hoping to have chosen the right person.

The other prisoners saw what happened and took the opportunity and disappeared as quickly as possible.
I was alone with two dead bodies:
one is my mother, who is the kindest person I know, and the other is the horrible person who killed her,
He wanted to kill me,
but she must have stepped in to protect me.
I laid down next to her.
She was really gone.
A tear dropped down my face.
I was too shocked to do anything else.
In this moment,
I hear my father approaching us.

I looked up in disbelief.
He looked shocked.
He kneels beside me and starts crying too.
Where was Odin, the king of Asgard,
while all this happened?
"Father, where were you while I was trying to protect Asgard?"
"My son, I am sorry that I wasn't helping you.
I had other important things to do. I needed to make sure that Loki,
who is responsible for all this,
stays in his cell forever, and for that,
I needed to hide the Tesseract and fix some stuff that could help Loki to escape.
But I am not the one you should blame.
Blame your weak and pathetic little brother."

I started to cry more.
How could he be so cruel?
Frigga is dead, and his excuse is that he was trying to keep Loki locked up forever.
That is the one thing Frigga didn't want.
"Father, Loki wasn't responsible for this,"
was the only thing I could say.
"But you are,"
He said cold.
"What do you mean?"
I say, fully in tears.
"You should have protected your mother, and you didn't.
You failed.
And now I have two failures as sons.
I expected Loki to disappoint me; after all,
he is just a little baby
who can't be one of us or a frost giant.
For us, he is too cruel.
For them, he is too weak."

I couldn't believe what my father was saying;
he was blaming me, me, the one who tried to help. And I never knew that he thought this way about my brother.
I know he did bad things, but I still love him,
and if Odin talks like this in front of Loki,
I'm not surprised that he turned out this way.

In this moment, it hit me.
I ignored the cruel things he said before and asked, "What exactly did you 'fix' so Loki stays in the dungeons forever?"
He looked at me confused and answered,
"I made Loki's cells stronger so that his magic couldn't go through. I really needed to make sure
I never see that ugly face again."
I knew it.
Our dungeons are the strongest from all the nine realms, as long as you don't mess around with the security system.

"Father, did you think for only one second that maybe YOU opened the cells? Our security in the dungeons is excellent, and that's why it's hard to change. You can't just make one cell stronger; it brings the power out of balance so that the other ones open or get easier to break. If you would have cared for one second about the people you send in there, you would have known how this system works."

My father was shocked, stood up, and walked away.
I was a bit happy that I defeated my father
after he blamed me for the death of...

But then I remembered again.
My mother is really dead.

LOKI'S POV:

After I noticed that none of the prisoners are coming back, I got worried.
A guard comes in.
Something bad must have happened,
and they will all blame me.
He stops in front of me.
"I am very sorry to tell you that your beloved mother unfortunately died while protecting your brother Thor."

In this moment, everything inside of me broke.
It was my fault, all my fault.
My eyes are filled with tears.
She died thinking that I don't see her as my mother, that I don't love her,
even though I do more than anything else in this world.
At this point, I couldn't stop crying anymore.
I destroyed everything in my cell with an energy bomb while creating an illusion.
No one should see how hard I failed.

The only thing I want right now is a knife to end my miserable and pointless life.